I had the craziest dream last night. I was dancing the white swan.

I just finished watching the Black Swan. A few months later than expected, but I watched it, nonetheless.

All these months, I’ve avoided reviews and synopses just to keep the plot under wraps, so that I don’t spoil the movie for myself. Even though I’ve tried, it came to my knowledge of the fact that it is a psychological thriller; and in the process of bracing myself for the worst, I have, on more than one occasion, jumped due to psyching myself out. Or perhaps just due to the fact that I’m watching it in a cold, dark room.

I find it to be a brilliant movie. Brilliantly shot. Brilliantly told. A chilling story of a dancer’s downward spiral in her obsession to be the perfect ballerina. A movie that plays with your mind and what you believe is true. The whole film toys with the idea of innocence and manipulation, of being overwrought and opposingly blithe, of constant harassment leading to the inevitable collapse. Fuelled by the insecurities within her, the protagonist succumbs to the highly-pressurized environment of competitive ballet.

An overbearing mother, a highly praised newcomer and years of pent-up emotions simply tipped her over the edge. Struggling to let herself go completely – with her dark side she simultaneously adore and fear – the internal battle to fully embrace both pushed her down a destructive path. Yet, at the same time, you feel for her. To finally be able to live.  

It is a movie said to have divided audiences. Certain viewers object it outright with absolute revulsion, repulsed by its disturbing plot. Others find it superbly done, depicting a glorious psychological ride that builds to a grand, albeit tragic, finale. I was among the latter. One of my friends was mainly distracted by its sexual content and from then onwards found it uncomfortable and didn’t enjoy the movie at all. I was at ease with the scenes – though sexual but not exactly explicit – and find them cementing the fact that Nina was not of a sane mind. Or was she?

Cleverly complemented by minimalistic décor and wardrobe – concurrently extravagant and simplistic – it allowed the actors’ work to shine through. Manned by my girl crushes, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, it simply could do no wrong. Rapturous and melodramatic, Black Swan is a gripping and visceral experience from beginning to end and strikes an immediate haunting note that grows louder with a dark echo.

Off To Seek Wisdom

I thought I’d just drop a short and bittersweet post today.

Well, I suppose it’s quite safe to that I will be enrolling in the University of Western Australia this coming August. I have chosen UWA to be the university for me to work towards achieving my Bachelor’s Degree in Engineering (Environmental).

Admittedly, I feel oddly conflicted. I feel incredibly excited to begin a new chapter of my life. Being free and easy for the past seven months does that to a person. At this point, I’m just super psyched to start studying again. I have heard great things about university life and people always say those are the years you enjoy the most. I have high hopes of immersing myself in the books, the research and the joy of higher learning.

On the other hand, I feel a slight anxiety for it will, technically, be my first time studying away from home. Abroad, no less. It feels weird not knowing I could see my friends and family any time I please. There’s always social networking and video conferencing, but on some level it would not be the same.

Fret not, I’m not getting cold feet; in fact, I’m very eager for my new journey to begin. I will be leaving mid-July in order to attend orientation and prepare for my classes. Don’t feel sad, I’ll be back soon. I believe I have a break at the end of the year.

Till then, pride yourself in being among the first few to find out the news. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some packing to do.

Leave Now Lest I Change My Mind

I love living in this town. Don't get me wrong. It's a quaint destination. Crime is almost non-existent. Everything's 5 minutes away. Elders watch the young ones grow. Everybody knows who you are and vice versa. And maybe that's just the problem.

Nothing is a challenge. You don't see it when you're occupied, but for someone that's unemployed and having not much else to do, it all becomes apparent. There's not much to do here, that has always been known and long established. After all, the nearest movie theater is 45 minutes away. However, the fact that there is nothing to motivate you and make you strive for something better scares me. Not moving forward scares me. It turns a person lazy. The brain gets accustomed to doing nothing, which in turn makes it store nothing.

And I do not wish my brain to cease all functions, I love my brain too much. It is not to say I'm the brightest bulb of the box, I have a lot to learn and I relish that fact. Life is a journey of learning and I would like to live to my fullest potential. I know I have that in me. The fire. The passion. I want to do something useful in my life, to contribute even by the smallest means, to society. To make an impact, to be remembered; for the right reasons.

I have been fortunate to be given the opportunity to see beyond what this town has to offer. And for that, I will be forever thankful. For it made me realize, I will not be satisfied merely being someone behind a desk, I want more. I have more to give and I want more in return. And I believe, leaving this town will definitely help me in moving towards that goal.

"I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom." - Thomas Carlyle

GaGa-Gag

By now, the whole world would probably know the Lady named Gaga. She's an artist, an icon, loved by legions of fans. The "new Madonna" some quipped. Heck, even her song "Born This Way" sounds relatively similar to Madonna's "Express Yourself". Though millions of enthusiasts follow her every move, her charm is beginning to dwindle in my eyes.

This all began the day she donned the infamous meat dress. It was all too much. She, who was once a refreshing, daring performer has now turned too over-the-top. It get-up wasn't necessary and the supposed message it carried fell flat. There must be better use for food than for you to parade around, ain't there?

The crazy outfits, even those for daily wear, are downright crazy. She was lifted through the whole red carpet for the Grammys. Then came the egg she hatched out of during the performance. The claim that the protruding prosthetics on her face are her actual "bones"... In my opinion, she has turned into just a shell of what she used to be - someone that truly ignites excitement and anticipation.

There are television shows that "jump-the-shark". And Gaga seemed to do so too in her career. She appears to be just weird just for weirdness sake. Perhaps she's able to find some deeper meaning in all that she does - underlying artistic values and such - but her genius simply doesn't apply to my senses.

Or maybe, just maybe, she's just too overexposed these days and I'm just sick of seeing her everywhere.

But I Don't See Any Difference...

My dad hasn't seen me in a week. He just told me I seemed to have gained weight.

I'm effectively starting a look-but-don't-touch relationship with all the scrumptious snacks stashed in my house by tomorrow.