Quantum of Solace, My Own

I had the craziest dream last night. I was dancing the white swan.

2011-06-28T00:58:00.030+08:00

I just finished watching the Black Swan. A few months later than expected, but I watched it, nonetheless.

All these months, I’ve avoided reviews and synopses just to keep the plot under wraps, so that I don’t spoil the movie for myself. Even though I’ve tried, it came to my knowledge of the fact that it is a psychological thriller; and in the process of bracing myself for the worst, I have, on more than one occasion, jumped due to psyching myself out. Or perhaps just due to the fact that I’m watching it in a cold, dark room.

I find it to be a brilliant movie. Brilliantly shot. Brilliantly told. A chilling story of a dancer’s downward spiral in her obsession to be the perfect ballerina. A movie that plays with your mind and what you believe is true. The whole film toys with the idea of innocence and manipulation, of being overwrought and opposingly blithe, of constant harassment leading to the inevitable collapse. Fuelled by the insecurities within her, the protagonist succumbs to the highly-pressurized environment of competitive ballet.

An overbearing mother, a highly praised newcomer and years of pent-up emotions simply tipped her over the edge. Struggling to let herself go completely – with her dark side she simultaneously adore and fear – the internal battle to fully embrace both pushed her down a destructive path. Yet, at the same time, you feel for her. To finally be able to live.

It is a movie said to have divided audiences. Certain viewers object it outright with absolute revulsion, repulsed by its disturbing plot. Others find it superbly done, depicting a glorious psychological ride that builds to a grand, albeit tragic, finale. I was among the latter. One of my friends was mainly distracted by its sexual content and from then onwards found it uncomfortable and didn’t enjoy the movie at all. I was at ease with the scenes – though sexual but not exactly explicit – and find them cementing the fact that Nina was not of a sane mind. Or was she?

Cleverly complemented by minimalistic décor and wardrobe – concurrently extravagant and simplistic – it allowed the actors’ work to shine through. Manned by my girl crushes, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, it simply could do no wrong. Rapturous and melodramatic, Black Swan is a gripping and visceral experience from beginning to end and strikes an immediate haunting note that grows louder with a dark echo.

Off To Seek Wisdom

2011-06-25T23:46:00.022+08:00

I thought I’d just drop a short and bittersweet post today.

Well, I suppose it’s quite safe to that I will be enrolling in the University of Western Australia this coming August. I have chosen UWA to be the university for me to work towards achieving my Bachelor’s Degree in Engineering (Environmental).

Admittedly, I feel oddly conflicted. I feel incredibly excited to begin a new chapter of my life. Being free and easy for the past seven months does that to a person. At this point, I’m just super psyched to start studying again. I have heard great things about university life and people always say those are the years you enjoy the most. I have high hopes of immersing myself in the books, the research and the joy of higher learning.

On the other hand, I feel a slight anxiety for it will, technically, be my first time studying away from home. Abroad, no less. It feels weird not knowing I could see my friends and family any time I please. There’s always social networking and video conferencing, but on some level it would not be the same.

Fret not, I’m not getting cold feet; in fact, I’m very eager for my new journey to begin. I will be leaving mid-July in order to attend orientation and prepare for my classes. Don’t feel sad, I’ll be back soon. I believe I have a break at the end of the year.

Till then, pride yourself in being among the first few to find out the news. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some packing to do.

Leave Now Lest I Change My Mind

2011-05-31T22:52:00.008+08:00

I love living in this town. Don't get me wrong. It's a quaint destination. Crime is almost non-existent. Everything's 5 minutes away. Elders watch the young ones grow. Everybody knows who you are and vice versa. And maybe that's just the problem.

Nothing is a challenge. You don't see it when you're occupied, but for someone that's unemployed and having not much else to do, it all becomes apparent. There's not much to do here, that has always been known and long established. After all, the nearest movie theater is 45 minutes away. However, the fact that there is nothing to motivate you and make you strive for something better scares me. Not moving forward scares me. It turns a person lazy. The brain gets accustomed to doing nothing, which in turn makes it store nothing.

And I do not wish my brain to cease all functions, I love my brain too much. It is not to say I'm the brightest bulb of the box, I have a lot to learn and I relish that fact. Life is a journey of learning and I would like to live to my fullest potential. I know I have that in me. The fire. The passion. I want to do something useful in my life, to contribute even by the smallest means, to society. To make an impact, to be remembered; for the right reasons.

I have been fortunate to be given the opportunity to see beyond what this town has to offer. And for that, I will be forever thankful. For it made me realize, I will not be satisfied merely being someone behind a desk, I want more. I have more to give and I want more in return. And I believe, leaving this town will definitely help me in moving towards that goal.

"I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom." - Thomas Carlyle

GaGa-Gag

2011-04-21T20:14:00.000+08:00

By now, the whole world would probably know the Lady named Gaga. She's an artist, an icon, loved by legions of fans. The "new Madonna" some quipped. Heck, even her song "Born This Way" sounds relatively similar to Madonna's "Express Yourself". Though millions of enthusiasts follow her every move, her charm is beginning to dwindle in my eyes.

This all began the day she donned the infamous meat dress. It was all too much. She, who was once a refreshing, daring performer has now turned too over-the-top. It get-up wasn't necessary and the supposed message it carried fell flat. There must be better use for food than for you to parade around, ain't there?

The crazy outfits, even those for daily wear, are downright crazy. She was lifted through the whole red carpet for the Grammys. Then came the egg she hatched out of during the performance. The claim that the protruding prosthetics on her face are her actual "bones"... In my opinion, she has turned into just a shell of what she used to be - someone that truly ignites excitement and anticipation.

There are television shows that "jump-the-shark". And Gaga seemed to do so too in her career. She appears to be just weird just for weirdness sake. Perhaps she's able to find some deeper meaning in all that she does - underlying artistic values and such - but her genius simply doesn't apply to my senses.

Or maybe, just maybe, she's just too overexposed these days and I'm just sick of seeing her everywhere.

But I Don't See Any Difference...

2011-04-14T00:09:00.004+08:00

My dad hasn't seen me in a week. He just told me I seemed to have gained weight.

I'm effectively starting a look-but-don't-touch relationship with all the scrumptious snacks stashed in my house by tomorrow.

The Thing That Worries My Mother

2011-04-13T20:52:00.000+08:00

Mom: Have you gotten your period yet?
Me: Yeah, just recently. Still, it has been 3 months since the last time I --
Mom: Oh, that's okay. At least it's here now right? Got me worried for a bit there, wondering what my daughter has been up to.

Gee mom, thanks for your concern.

Time To Hit The Books

2011-04-10T23:02:00.000+08:00

As you may or may not know, I've been applying for universities to further my education (damn, that sounds real formal). All over the place: Singapore, Hong Kong, Australia, Malaysia. I've since gotten several offers back, but since I've sent out so many and they're not being processed at the same time, I still have to wait for some to get back to me.

Nanyang Technological University of Singapore has given me a reply, to go for an entrance examination. Yay! It doesn't mean much though, considering it is due to my possession of a SAM qualification instead of say, a local certification that is - perhaps or perhaps not - closer to Singaporean education standards.

The exam is during mid-May. I have three papers to sit for. English, Math and Physics. The plus side is I have 30 days to pull everything together and put the grind to scoring 3 subjects. The down side - I have only 30 days to pull everything together and put the grind to excel at 3 subjects.

Boy, I sure wish I had been studying all this while.

Top 5 Lessons Of The Week

2011-03-20T22:21:00.010+08:00

#5 - I tend to develop fast, intense obsessions. And I get out of them just as quickly.
#4 - Male drivers in shopping malls are jackasses that steal your parking spots.
#3 - If all men are like my brother, I might just swear off finding a husband.

#2 - I might one day become one of those shopaholic ladies that their spouses don't understand.
#1 - A little embarrassment takes you a long way. And puts your boobs back in place.

Huff, Puff, Twist, Turn

2011-02-23T00:01:00.001+08:00

Skipping work-outs and careful dieting takes a toll on your body. Especially if you're not the bony kind. And I most certainly am not.

With my yearly resolution backfiring, I decided upon myself to switch things up, after all results don't show without action. Ass off the couch, setting down that bowl of ice-cream, put on some sweatpants, lace up those training shoes and out the door I go. (Actually, half-dragged by my mom but no one needs to know that.)

Boy, and the toll of eating all those good stuff really does show. My record of 6-laps around the field now drops to 2, with a stop in-between to tied up shoelaces (that I'm secretly grateful for untying). Huffing and puffing and almost out-of-breath, I embarrassingly watched as people twice my age zipped past me with feet light as feathers. This was Sunday.

Today, I trudged along my mom to her yoga class. Some sort of fast-paced yoga. Damn, was that tough. The instructor was a no-nonsense lady with an authoritative aura, which was good for an instructor, but bad for a first-timer. She scared me a little, I must admit.

Then, there was the whole twisting and turning part. At one point, she asked for us to clench our butts and uterus. And I just stood there, half-squatted not even knowing how on earth to locate the latter. I'm not that awful, I mean, I'm still highly capable of touching my own toes.

After an hour of attempting to mimic a human pretzel, class was off. It was pure torture. It left me sore. But then, there's where I'll be same time next week. I swear, I feel as if I'm already walking around with a straighter posture.

Whatever keeps me focused, eh? Fingers crossed.

Disorientation

2010-11-20T23:26:00.002+08:00

It's been what? Roughly another 5 and a 1/2 months since my last post? Guess I don't really stick to my promises much, huh? Nobody's perfect, I suppose. But lately, I've seemed to dwell a lot on my imperfections.

Everyone has one of those days. Days that you just feel... terrible. Fat. Ugly. Unloved. Depressed. Self-deprecating. Moody. Confused.

It isn't something you can explain. It's not something you can put into words. Words don't do them justice... What you feel inside. You feel... empty, almost. There is just one, big void in you that can't seem to be filled. With anything. You just feel, lost.

The irony is, I should be enjoying this moment. In fact, I should be basking in the glory of the beginnings of my long-awaited holiday. What is wrong with me? Perhaps nothing, perhaps everything. I just don't quite feel like myself. And there isn't a definite answer I can give to myself on why is that.

I'm just... having one of those days.

Surprise?

2010-08-06T22:41:00.005+08:00

Who knew college life could be this hectic? With varying definitions of hectic of course.

Mine would revolve around... coursework, assignments, long television hours and when I finally got my Internet connection hooked, late-night surfing. In all, college life has been pretty wonderful, though my grades probably needs a whole lot more attention. That's why I now try to limit my online curfew to just the weekends (which doesn't really work, especially when you have to check for updates online and sudden quirks that you feel like spontaneously publishing on Facebook).

Most of my friends I hoped to catch up with on the Internet? Doesn't really work either. They are just as busy. With the exception of some I see on Facebook on a daily basis.

Not sure how many of my readers still check in from time-to-time; to keep the handful of you up to date, I'll just say this: Not much about me has changed. Weight? Still hefty. Laziness? Pretty much in tact. English command? Maybe a little deteriorated. But that's for another post. Basically, same ol' same ol'. I am, however, slightly concerned if any of my demeanor or characteristics has changed in time. But I guess, that's only detectable by close friends and family.

This shouldn't be a lengthy update, so I'll leave it at this. It's been a while, but it's fun to be back. Maybe I'll try to bump my updates up to at least once a week rather than once in 5 1/2 months.

P/S: You can tell that you've been away way too long when you just realized the changes in blogger. The new template design, the sleek look, the editing conveniences. They're all awesome. So awesome that I feel like switching my layout again. Even when I have yet to try out my recent one. Maybe I shall wait yet another year before renovating. Peace.

Stay True To Your Heart

2010-03-03T23:29:00.004+08:00

Have you ever felt an overwhelming sense of gut instinct that you can't let go of? This strong feeling tugging at your heart, asking you to follow it? And you know that if you don't, you'll regret not doing so and despise yourself for going against that comfort zone?

If you ask me, follow that tugging.

Let your feelings lead the way. If you believe you'll be uncomfortable doing otherwise, don't do it. If you assume you'll feel sorry for turning your back against that conscience, don't do it. If you feel that it's wrong, it's wrong. Make your decisions and stick with it. Don't fool around with it. Don't overthink it.

I strongly believe that the decisions you make in life, shape you. The good, the bad, the ugly. But the one thing that I'd emphasize is, don't ever regret. If you think you're going to regret your choice, try the alternative. Selection is key, and self-believe is the pathway. Stay true to what your heart says, and it'll the ultimate success you can have.

If they really support you, they'll always understand. Hang tough. Stick to your gut.

Dining With The Stars

2010-02-19T23:55:00.005+08:00

If you care to scroll back to my older posts, you would find that I am no stranger to bumping into local celebs. It just so happens, it's just my luck.

During our dinner at The Ming Room today, my dad suddenly started mouthing words to the family friend sitting across him. I looked at him with heightened curiosity;

Dad : "That's Lim Ah Lek."

Me : *Blink blink*

Dad : "He's the former minister of health." (I think that's what he said. I don't remember clearly. Was too busy staring.)

Me : "Oh."

To be honest, his name doesn't really ring a bell. I'm not really into politics so I suppose I may have to Google him. Anyway, he's just this white-haired man giving out ang paus. I didn't get one. But then, he doesn't know me.

Now, on a more interesting and probably recognizable note (to my generation, anyway), on Thursday (the 18th) I went to Chili's for dining. While at the waiting line, a lady in a yellow baseball cap caught my eye.

Cap worn low to shield her face, hair tied loosely in a french braid, in a grey tank, jeans, sneakers paired with a yellow bag. She turned slightly into the light and guess who? It's Phoebe! No, not my friend, the DJ for MY FM radio station and TV host for Astro!

My brothers didn't believe me, so I kept staring at her to get a better glimpse. She noticed. So did her family. She turned to the other side and her family members made a protective circle around her. Thinking I was some sort of stalker, I guess.

Then, my table was ready. By that time, I had confirmed that she is who I thought she is. Though honestly, with a get-up like that at night, it's pretty attention grabbing. I wonder if she has a blog? If she mentions a short-haired, pimply teenage girl staring at her with unblinking eyes, you can pretty much bet that it's me.

I wonder what would've happened if I had walked up to her. And said : Chao Mi Suang!

Neighbours From Hell

2010-02-17T00:26:00.003+08:00

Neighbours – They really can be a pain in the arse. At times, you can't stand them; other times, you badly need them. During this festive period, my aunts have shared with me the unpleasant experience they shared with their devils-next-door. And boy, am I glad that I do not live in that neighbourhood.

First off, we have the Mentally Unstable Mother. It seems she has always been a little loopy, supposedly under medication. However, things took a turn for the worse when her husband passed away recently. MUM would beat up others' pet dogs and spray them using a hose, causing the dogs to have infections in the ears. MUM's other hobby would be listening to loud oldies music on her record player. MUM would sing voluminously along to the lyrics and my aunt is grateful that MUM has yet to catch up with the digital age, because she wouldn't know what to do if MUM were to blast the karaoke machine all day. MUM tried helping out at the market before but it was deemed a failure since she stood in front of stalls with a darkened face that scared away customers. The pity twist to the story of MUM – she has a Drug-Addict Son.

Second on the list, we have the Retired School Teacher. ReST is a middle-aged spinster that rares cats. I'm not kidding. Everyday, ReST would buy RM 1 worth of swine intestines from the market to use as feed for the strays she “adopts”. But she claims no ownership to the meowing kitties outside her front door. ReST is also renowned for her fussy attitude. Instead of buying the vegetable as it is, she'd stand in front of the stall and pluck away all the rotten leaves first. Then, she'd complain of the 20 cent increase of her purchase - impounded due to the fact that she plucked out 50% out of the original - as opposed to other customers'. During renovation on other people's homes, ReST would be worried sick that her house would be wrecked in effect. Therefore, ReST follows workers into domains of others and climb up to the roof to inspect and authorize repairs. Which weren't done to her home.

Speaking of repairs, I've arrived at the scariest bunch of all : Tab Avoiding Neighbours. When a home underwent renovations, TAN seem to suddenly realize their houses too require tuning, hence, they borrowed the construction workers to fix a crack here, or a leaking roof there. TAN would put their bills in the tabs of the worker-loaning party. When the time came to collect the funds, they would claim lousy workmanship and refuse to pay up. However, the kicker is this, when the owner took back the materials, TAN accused them of stealing their property!

Talk about twisting the truth! Boy am I thankful that my neighbours aren't like that! But they aren't exactly saints sent from heaven either...

The Tamed Mail

2010-02-14T02:17:00.003+08:00

***NOTE***
The following article voices out thoughts solely from the writer and the writer's alone. If you assume that you may be the subject of discussion, and you believe that you could not handle scathing criticism and biting sarcasm, walk away. Proceed at your own risk.

Apparently soft coaxing can't penetrate through thick, stubborn skulls. I guess I'm only left with painful brutality then.

In my humble opinion, I believe that what we had encountered, really was just a minor setback. A tiny misunderstanding perhaps. In fact, I thought the whole storm had already blown over. Peaceful waves in the sea. Dark waters under the bridge.

But here comes someone, claiming that, well, it isn't. Let me tell you something then : it isn't, because you wouldn't let it go.

I always pride myself in being one that doesn't hold grudges. Sure, I'll get mad. Then, I'll get over it. Sometimes, it takes 5 minutes. Others, 5 weeks. Yet in the end. It all turns out alright. Unless, you've crossed the line. Then, you've gotten yourself into the darkest blasphemy you wish you can get out of. I may forgive. But forgotten, you've got to earn.

See, I believe, in parts, this wasn't my battle to fight. Neither is it his. However. You can't screw with me. Or my friends. Especially those that matter. This childish idiocy had got to end.

The simple truth is this. We've reached out our hands, but you've resorted to spit in them. We've tried to make peace. In fact, we've kept mum of the whole situation in order not to make it worse. All the anger, we swallowed; all the misery, we stomached; all the judgment, we ignored; all the confrontations, we avoided; all the incredible prejudice, we endured silently. And you call us inconsiderate? How dare you! We are not the ones calling the birthday girl to report the matter. We are not the ones telling their tale in hopes of pulling more allies. We did none of those things. Yet you call us inconsiderate?

We do indeed have pride, no matter how silent, or insignificant to your ignorant untrained eyes. We gave what we had to offer. And that is where we draw the line. We do not beg. Not for something we've already know the outcome. We won't waste our precious time stroking your pompous egos. It's already big enough for all the people around the world without our help.

I do not object what you claim as “friends”. The traits you suggested, I believe everyone yearns to gain. However, you have to realize, in life, it is impossible to trust everyone; you can't really depend on all men to save your ass when you're in need; you certainly can't muster up enough care for every single person and you definitely don't simply share everything with any “friend”. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. But that's life.

Though I do not wholly disagree with what you said, I do need to remind you that in order to make a relationship work, no matter between friends or family, you do have to look for the imperfections. And the way you handle those, are the key points to success. Tolerance. Forgiveness. Understanding. Courtesy. Candidness. An open heart.

To be honest, I'd love to go back for primary education. Things were much easier back then. No one gets upset for no reason, they don't get jealous when not in participation, there aren't any wild mood swings and definitely much purer thoughts that get exchanged. If I do get to turn back time, I would. With one condition. You have to go back too. That way, you'd be less self-absorbed, less materialistic, less oblivious to one's feelings, less obnoxious, less full of yourself and less malicious in tearing people apart. However, people can't always dwell in the past. After all, if that's all you do, how do you expect yourself to move forward?

I have to confess, at first, this was supposed to be a hate mail. With contents much revealing, much rawer, more blunt and more hurtful. I suppose I just mellowed with time.

The Reality

2010-02-06T22:39:00.016+08:00

Humans like to immerse themselves in an occasional fantasy. To dream and wish upon that little something in hoping it would one day come true. Though not often, and not always satisfying, we do still continue believing that maybe one day, the delight of fulfilling an unlikely dream, could turn real.

I was just like everyone. True, some deem me a realist. But sporadically, I do succumb. And that was exactly what I did last year.

Kristen Stewart once talked (and, I paraphrase) about filming experiences on set. She claimed that, during the filming process, most of your time would be spent with your cast-mates. In a way, your cast-mates will be the ones you see everyday over a course of 3-4 months. At times, she worked with actors around her age and they might bond during the filming process. Then, shooting will wrap, and everyone will get sad and weepy, asking you to never forget them and to remember to stay in touch and what not. In reality, she realized that it's impossible and never/seldom happens, just like actual school-life. Indeed, those wonderfully cry-tastic actors never did contact one another. (Or something along the lines of that.)

Call her a cryptic, but I stand firmly by what she said. When I first read that interview for the first time, I went : "Yeah, that always happen in camps."; now, I think : "I can't believe it's happening to me!"

After graduation (and before), lots of people eagerly (and some unwillingly) pushed forward their memory books/papers for you to jot down your little (insincere) wishes and tons of "Forget Me Not(s)". Have they been in contact with you since? Maybe. Will they always be in touch? Highly unlikely. Don't believe me? Think back to what happened in Standard Six. And the friends you promised wouldn't leave your mind.

I believe that in one's life, it is undeniable that those around us will part. It's just a matter of time. Certain human beings you have known would never have the privilege of being more than mere acquaintances. Yet, some are forever imprinted into your tiny brain. For both reasons good and bad. In the end though, they do follow nature's path and run it's course.

But, when you're eighteen and livin' the life, why does the end seem so prematurely near? The promises crumble, the liaisons untrustable, the lies more deceitful, the anger more absurd, the promises empty, the hope a farce. What I once hoped for, seemed impossible to maintain, so out of reach, let alone achieve. With that, my fantasy came to an abrupt, angry halt.

For things to end this way (if it does), is just plain sad. Sad for you, sad for me, sad for all of us. To know that what we once could have, will now be nothing more than a had.

They Fight, Paris Falls

2010-02-04T22:32:00.008+08:00

you could've retained many friends,
but too stubborn to restore;
hence they leave you one by one,
but you chose just to ignore.

maybe we're not good enough,
or too hard on the eyes;
at least we're still dignified,
and don't hang like little lice.

in anger you fought,
to protect your swollen ego;
piling on the blame,
without an inch of shame.

leaving one sobbing on end,
for reasons illogical;
to defend thyself,
you'd rather be cruel.

earth to my dear sir,
for everything you've done;
it won't take you far in life,
not even one step off the ground.

the audacity stuns,
therefore the pride shuns;
when differences arise,
you'd think that you have won.

yet in reality,
you have lost,
for each and every point.

One fire burns out another's burning.

- William Shakespeare

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2010-02-03T01:15:00.002+08:00

I love getting haircuts, I find them relaxing. The process that is. If the final product comes out unsatisfactory, it produces stress instead. Just having a massive load of hair fall right off of your shoulders is such a glorious feeling!

The slight contradiction that I have, however, is that I yearn to keep my hair long again. It takes time, effort and TLC. All three components that I couldn't commit fully to.

I got myself thinking; I'm young, I can afford to be adventurous, to be spontaneous and experiment. I can go long, short, straight, wavy, blonde, brunette, red-head or even green! So, why let time pass by instead of taking full advantage to toy with ideas? Besides, my noggin can carry a short hairstyle nicely, why waste it?

That's exactly what I did. And I'm perfectly pleased. I never realized that I missed having fuss-free, low-maintenance hair so much. Now, I don't have to abuse my locks with the blazing heat of the hairdryer anymore.

I don't care what the other folks say, teen age is for experiments. Boring, predictable, safe choices can come in the second half of my life.

Taking The High Road

2010-02-02T01:12:00.015+08:00

Don't like the taste of your own medicine, do you?

Because of it, I believe I have to put out a disclaimer: I did not force you to do anything. You volunteered. Don't remember? That's because it was so long ago. Don't make me look guilty. I'm not. And don't make yourself look innocent and pitiful. You're not either.

Someone told me to let it go, but no. I refuse. I do not want to. Not when neither of us is in a clear right or wrong. I refuse to stand down and act solely dutiful for an event I should take no unreasonable wrath for. I am not inferior to you. I will not bow.

You'll be telling your side of the story and I'll be telling mine. I hate taking sides. So I'm pitching you a proposition.

You want things done and over with, speak out like a man. When you feel you're ready, contact me. By text, phone calls, IM, emails or whatever tickles your fancy. And lets deal with this ho-hum like two mature, sensible young adults.

I'll be waiting.

P/S: Just not through some weird-ass foreign-language post. Don't try to deceive me. I'm smarter than that.

Laptop For Operation Blogging, Stat!

2010-01-28T23:00:00.001+08:00

I'm not a very materialistic person, at least I hope not. I normally don't ask much from my parents aside from food and clothes (I need those to live,obviously).

But, with college coming around the corner and for some computer-internet privacy, I do hope I get a laptop of my own soon. And a new phone. And a camera. And an IPod. And some cool clothes. Maybe a bag or two. Throwing in a few pairs of shoes as well, since we're on the subject. Ooh, and some of those cute accessories...

Alright, alright, there's a lot of stuff that I want. But don't necessarily need. At the moment anyway. Aside from the laptop...

I'm not a frequent blogger. I blog according to mood, time and venue. How-ever. Now that I'm on a break, and a pretty long break at that, I seem to be blogging lesser each day. Problem : my older brother is on a long break too, which translates to him lounging around the house all day, hogging the laptop and internet, walking around constantly to check on us, pulling pranks and poking me in the stomach. My life is difficult and interesting with him around. Definitely more unsettling.

Since I dislike family members reading my blog (hence the reason they probably don't know I have one), especially my brother, I simply DO NOT blog when he's around, in case he suddenly decides to pounce on me. Therefore, I have a "No Blogging When Bro Is Around" policy. Sigh.

See, with a personal computer, I get to do basically whatever I want with it. Tons of songs, loads of random pictures, downloaded movies, e-books, drafts, y'know, useless teen stuff... and homework. Bleh, priorities.

That way, even when the family computer is hogged by someone else, I can still get to type out a draft and safe it in Microsoft. Right? That way, I can keep people up-to-date and prove that I'm not dead or something. Besides, blogging more frequently is one of my new year's resolution (but who really follows 'em anyway).

Gosh, I want a laptop of my own so bad.

Those Basterds Are Gooood

2010-01-16T01:49:00.076+08:00

Basically, after almost 48 hours of sitting in a plane, the sole good thing amidst the cramped back and stiff neck, would be the in-flight movies.

This time, I've managed to cover quite some ground (Up, Post Grad, Middle of Nowhere, Funny People, The Informant!, 1/2 of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, I missed out on Public Enemies) though somehow less impressive than my first plane ride (my brother and I played 8 hours of video games straight on the way to Australia). Some of the films are good, some not so.

The one movie that I enjoyed immensely and tops my list is most definitely Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds. I've never seen his movies before though I've heard that he likes 'em gory. Awesome.

The plot was amusing and fun to watch. The fact that the movie was split into chapters was very interesting. Each chapter tells a story of a different character, to see them all bind together in the end is spectacular. And the characters themselves, marvelous. Especially the Jew Hunter. I hope Christoph Waltz wins an Oscar for his performance; "It's a bing-go!". Brad Pitt as Lieutenant Aldo Raine wasn't bad either, "We're going to be doing one thang, and one thang only... killing Nazis."

The charismatic performances brought forward a magnificent piece of work by Mr Tarantino. Equal parts gore and witty lines, it's one helluva joyride. Having said that, the weaker-hearted probably should avoid this movie as those bloody awesome man-slaughtering, head-beating, scalp-removing, forehead-carving action isn't meant for everyone.

Though not based on actual events (Hitler dies in a cinema, "Nay,nay,nay,nay,nay,nay!"), with every shot executed perfectly, viewers are taken back to a fantasy world of WWII, where things get more than a little messy.

"Each and every one of my men under my command, owes me one hundred Nazi scalps! And I want my scalps!" If only all war movies are this entertaining.

She's One Foxy Lady!

2010-01-14T23:37:00.001+08:00

Speaking of eye candy... Have you seen the latest Armani Underwear Ad?

It features Megan Fox, their newest spokesperson in replacement of Victoria Beckham. And I have just one word for you: smokin'.

The things I'm willing to do to have her body... Well, scratch that, 'cause that would mean I probably have to work out 5-7 times a week and sacrifice all the holy food that are yummy. I don't think I have that kind of will power to pull that off. No way in hell.

On the other hand, how old is she? 23? Guess I still have five more years to work up to it. Now all I have to do is pray that I'm the type that gets better with age. Ha!

And boys, you are welcome.

I Never Thought It Would Happen To Me...

2010-01-13T21:45:00.004+08:00

...but I'm in love.

His name is Jian Wah. He has eyes a rich dark brown and cheeks so rosy only a cool LA weather can enable while his Mexican-Chinese lineage gave him his exotic looks. His laughter makes me smile, his smile makes me melt and when he cuddles up to me I feel like my life's complete. I HAVE to be in love.

I'm very proud of him but he lives halfway around the globe. It probably won't work out.

Anyway, this is what he looks like.

I also forgot to mention: he's my cousin. (Sorry for the poor picture quality but something's wrong with my camera and taking a picture from a camera using a webcam takes some skill. Which I don't really have.)

On a more serious note, I did have an interest encounter with a guy during my vacation.

We just finished visiting Lombard Street and was passing by the neighbourhood. I saw two dudes sitting on the front porch-steps of a house, chatting. One of them had a mini-fro while the other was sorta good looking. Mini-fro was doing most of the talking and at that moment cute guy looked at me. And I looked right back at him. M.E.C. (Major Eye Contact; that was what Rebecca and I used to call it, somehow the situation reminded me of her.)

Mini-fro noticed his buddy's sudden shift in attention and turned around. Upon seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he continued mumbling away (at that point I was guessing fro-dude was complaining about something). The funny thing was, cute guy completely ignored his pal and continued the eye-lock. He wasn't looking scary or intimidating but more like playfully daring me to look away. Basically, his eyes locked mine from one end of the street to the other. I, on the other hand, was just staring.

Just as my car was clearing the turn at the end of the street, cute guy's mouth sorta curved up, flashing me a little smile. A-dor-a-ble. Early birthday present? Methinks so. (The event happened on the eve of my 18th birthday US time.)

Speaking of cute guys, I met a hot policeman. Smoking hot. The kind with blond hair and incredible baby blues. Drool. There's just something about a guy in a uniform, carrying a shiny baton and an authoritative badge...

So. He was standing outside my hotel room with his partner. "Everything's fine, folks." Again with the authoritative air, ah, how comforting. My family filed into our hotel room, then, my dad and I proceed to spy on the hottie policeman through the peep hole (I know, it's a weird combination, my dad was actually just curious about what they're doing in the halfway). Apparently, they were waiting to spring on the dude staying directly opposite our room. Not sure what happened after that.

Talk about eye-candy on a trip.

Related post of interest:
9/11/09 - The Reason I May Stay Single Forever

Abracadabra!

2010-01-12T01:19:00.004+08:00

I like vacations. Absolutely love them. Where you go away quietly and become a recluse. I take pride in going on secret vacations. "Secret" because I never tell anyone that I was going away. I just go "poof" all of the sudden and disappear from planet earth. The Holiday Houdini. This time around, I was so successful, even my brother didn't know where I was.

I don't see the point of telling someone because I live in a small town. News spread around like wildfire and rumours go rounds in an hour flat. So, if someone at all knew, the rest of them should, right? Apparently not.

My friends freaked out when they couldn't reach me. They thought of the worst thing that popped into their minds and did what all noble citizens would do- start a search hunt on Facebook. They bombed my page with "Where are you?" comments and began stalking my house. (Which weren't smart things to do, I'll explain in another post.) The only thing that was lacking was a "Where is Belle?" campaign.

Am I complaining, you ask? No. I'm grateful that I have such caring friends. Though they tend to go a little overboard at times. Which would be irritating.

Some asked where was I when I was spotted on the net. I declined to answer. I have several sensitive friends and I do not wish that part of them feel inferior to others because they weren't informed firsthand by yours truly. So, to be fair, I told no one. I found a way to tell all of you at the same time. And it is through this blog. When I publish this article, you all may find out at the same time, the difference is will you? I understand that not all keep up regularly with my ramblings, so that's your loss then to find out the news secondhand (It's getting late and I'm getting bitchy, just bear with me).

I visited the United States. And yes, I'm now back home so you can bombard me with gazillions of questions.

As for those who think that I should be punished for cruelly excluding you from my holiday plans, I already have: I have gotten chubbier than before (the first glimpse of myself in a full length mirror in three weeks is not a pretty sight), my face has yet to clear up and I now have circles and bags under my eyes. That's right, bags. I believe punishment was served.

Side note: Happy New Year everybody! (I know it's kinda late but better late than never right?)

New Moon Verdict

2009-12-15T20:59:00.006+08:00

I wish that I can say "SPOILER ALERT!" but seriously, after almost a month of screening, what sort of spoiler can I provide that wasn't covered in the online forums that are available all over the internet? So, I'm here to voice out my humble opinions, some harsh(?) but do bear in mind that I can probably be considered as half a fan, therefore, prejudice is well, subtly there.

Around two weeks ago, I re-watched the first Twilight film. To my surprise, I didn't hate it as much the second time around. Alright, hate is a very strong word. I passionately disliked it the first time I saw it. Maybe it was the atmosphere, I don't know. But the second time around, it eased up a little. So here goes, my verdict for the long-awaited film.

Budget: Definitely bigger, which makes it better.
From the clothing to the effects, you can just tell that they were given so much more to work on. And that yellow Porsche Turbo 911, is simply the death of me. Every time the wolves show up, I just about start shivering and get goosebumps. It's just that effective. To me anyway.

Soundtrack: To-die for.
Part of the success of the film is based on the background music. It mashed together seamlessly, translating the pain and emptiness that Bella was going through at that stage. The fast tempo tracks were also the reason my hair stood on end when the wolves showed up.

Lines: Comparatively acceptable.
I was absolutely thrilled to not have heard a single "You better hold on then, spider-monkey." That was just god-awful. No one says that. NO one. Not even 109-year-old vampires.

Screenplay: Faithful to the book.
This I was happy with. Considering I have read the book. In truth, the movie followed the novel quite closely, in fact, the scenes that appeared in the film was in the book itself. Even some of the lines were a direct copy from the novel. Unlike the first film, there were no significant twists to the plot, if there were any to begin with.

Plot: You've got to read the book to understand or you've got to watch the first film.
Otherwise, you'll be seeing loops and holes that you've no idea how to fill. Bear in mind, that when producers made the film, it was made focusing majorly to fans, which by then have done the either/or I have mentioned above. Since they had to compress 563 pages to just over two hours, you do the math of how detailed everything will be.

Acting: 30/70
The actors seem to be getting more comfortable with the characters, which is a plus. Kristen and Taylor seemed to have a better connection from what I see. And Robert is still having the pained look down to a T and at times unbearable. I dunno. I just don't like his acting in Twilight in general. But Charlie was awesome. And that cliched scene in the beginning where Edward strutted across the school parking lot in slow-mo was EPIC. Hilariously EPIC.

Target audience: Geared more towards the female (duh).
I don't mean this to generalize the ladies (I know there are quite a lot that loathe the franchise), but lets face it, how many dudes would like to watch vampires mumble Romeo's exact words? Especially when blood and gore is your thing. Don't expect any here. You'll only see vampire heads get ripped off.

Pace: Unsure.
Some called it slow, however, I do not know what comment to give. I think I need to watch it for a second time before calling this one.

Censors: Downright annoying.
Seriously people, you're editing out the kissing scenes? I mean, c'mon, they're kissing scenes. They're not even in bed or anything! They're not going nude either! Alright, sometimes it does get a teeny bit steamy but seriously?!?! I'm pissed.

Ab action: Honestly? I'm a little disappointed.
Alright, that's partly a joke. Before the film was even brought in to Malaysia, I've seen the promoting the actors did on talk shows and etc. Normally, the talk show hosts will poke fun at a huge amount of ab action. Like the wolves rip off their clothes for nothing. But honestly, there was only during countable scenes. It's really not that bad. But when Jake peeled off his shirt when Bella fell off the bike, even I have to admit, that wasn't exactly necessary.

Absence of Edward: Not unbearable.
He's actually quite present. He flashes up occasionally and honestly not highly missed. I'm guessing that's due to my prejudice towards the acting. And his abs aren't anywhere near the eye candy that Jacob's provided.

Humour: Present.
Certain moments were funny. When Mike puked, when Jessica went babbling on and on, certain teasing between Jake and Bella, the comments Charlie spit out. When it's such a depressing film, a few laughter here and there doesn't hurt.

Moral value: Not exactly the most positive.
Here's a girl that mourns the lost of her boyfriend for over three months. She doesn't do anything besides moping and staring out the window (which complied great 360 camera work, btw). She does reckless things and threw herself off a cliff. Frankly, I would gladly spank the sense back into her if she really exists.

The Volturi: Cool.
Dakota Fanning in particular. Her as the terrifying Jane was wonderful. The little smile she gave when she's channeling pain to the thought others - astounding. It was so angelic, it made it more cruel. Michael Sheen as Aro, on the other hand, equally fascinating. Like the book, his behavior was a mix of weird enthusiasm.

The ending: Nice cliff-hanger.
What a way to make sure certain audience members to await the third installment. June could not come soon enough.

Basically, this whole post is about my movie experience. Obviously. Did I enjoy it? Hell ya. Was it the best film of all time? No. This is light fluff, not meant to be taken seriously. So, don't expect anything worthy of an Oscar, 'cause it ain't possible.

Like A Bird

2009-12-14T23:08:00.003+08:00

The torture is over people! SPM is over!

Can you believe that? I sure can't... It hasn't really sunk in yet. Was it a grueling experience? No. See, the exam itself is no big deal, it is the period of the exam that spanned a total of what, 3/4 weeks(?) that was exhausting, both emotionally and mentally.

Now that it is over, well, I have plans stacked up. A lot of plans.

Actually, I have a long list. Literally. I would post a picture of it, but then I need to go through 4 stacks of paper I now have scattered across my bedroom. The fact that they are all one feet tall doesn't make it a desirable thing to do.

I want to download a bunch of movies into my laptop and go on long midnight marathons. I want to download over hundreds of songs and go nuts listening to them. I want to play computer games till the wee hours of the day and sleep on the couch when I tire of the boring TV programs. I want to get god-awful hangovers when I wake up. I want to lose my excess kilos which I, ahem, planned on since the beginning of year (which I will talk about in another topic). I want a freaking holiday. I want, I want, I want. I'm being selfish, but I just can't help it.

It's just too exhilarating.

Some Things Never Change

2009-12-12T14:34:00.005+08:00

Today, I was searching for and browsing through my chinese notes. Then I came across my form 1 exercise book. I believe that my teacher asked us to write about bad habits of ours and our friends. And this was what I came up with:

Name: Rebecca
Bad habit: Frequent TV-watcher
Consequence: Deterioration in examination results
Solution: Limit time for TV programmes

Name: Phoebe
Bad habit: Addicted to novels
Consequence: Side-track homework
Solution: Diminish time for reading

Name: Lulu
Bad habit: Addicted to computer games
Consequence: Short-sightedness
Solution: Constantly remind one self not to play

Name: Miss Jee
Bad habit: Forgetful about homework
Consequence: Punishment from teacher
Solution: Set timetable

Name: Pat
Bad habit: Nightowl
Consequence: Insufficient energy and focus during the day
Solution: Go to bed earlier

Name: Belle
Bad habit: Constant day-dreamer
Consequence: Wavering focus in class
Solution: Always remind to pay attention in class

Through this, I've came to understand two things:
1. I used to give incredibly dull, straight answers.
2. I have yet to change my habit. In fact, there's a high possibility that it had gone worse.

What about you?

Side note: Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

I Never Cease To Amaze Myself

2009-12-08T23:48:00.004+08:00

"Okay, it's alright with me; some things are just meant to be... " My ringtone was blasting in my room. Suddenly realisation hit me: what time was it? I sprang, quite literally, from my bed. "Where the hell are you? We're going in NOW!", someone said on the other end. "Oh. Umm...", I replied, still unable to frame a coherent answer.

I dashed to the bathroom, splashed water on my face and tried to brush my teeth. Then, I went straight out, threw on clothes and boarded my car that my mom have so kindly backed out for me. I was going to be late for my SPM paper. I couldn't believe that I didn't hear my alarm ring. Keeping a solid 80km/h speed, I practically flew out of the house. And got stuck at the traffic light. I eyed the clock nervously, hoping that I wasn't too late.

I can think of plenty of excuses. But then, it would be just that, excuses.

I accelerated into the school and slot my car into the first empty parking spot. I was about to run up a flight of stairs, only to see my chemistry teacher sighing in relieve and pointing at me (apparently she called my house to confirm if I'd show up). The invigilator smiled at me and told me to breathe (a very interesting character, he is). Then, I stepped into the classroom like a mad woman with hair like haystack. A couple of friends laughed and I started giggling like I was insane.

I was 5 minutes late. Rules say that you'll be denied entry after the 15-minute mark (or 30?). Thank God I made it.

If it wasn't for my friend who barked at me through the phone, I'd probably be sleeping until ten. Or twelve. Thanks, man. And to those friends who anxiously paced the floor, stare out the window and wonder where on earth could I be, your subconscious probably helped me drive safe and arrive in style.

Lastly, I'd like to apologize to whomever it may concern. Because I had no idea if my breath stunk like dead fish, if my armpits smelled or if I did the buttons on my shirt correctly. Sorry for the torture of your senses.

Win a brand new HP dm3 laptop with Windows 7!

2009-11-23T14:46:00.005+08:00

As some of my friends may know, I'm quite a fond reader of The Rest Is Still Unwritten. And he will be giving away a brand new HP Pavilion dm3 laptop loaded with Windows 7 for free! For more details, visit his blog and leave a comment now!

Abstinence Through Twilight?

2009-11-22T13:37:00.003+08:00

I know that this is at a certain level inappropriate and someecards aren't meant for those below 18, but it is just too funny a thing to pass on.

The Wrath Of Having Freakishly Fine Unbloody Veins

2009-11-20T22:41:00.004+08:00

I paid my dermatologist a visit today. And I had to take a blood test. Yeah, my skin's that bad. I didn't really mind, it was for my own good after all. But I've never done it before. It's nerve-wracking to have someone draw blood from you for the first time. And my recent history with blood + doctors' appointments wasn't exactly spot on.

When I did blood-typing for biology last year, I passed out on the ground (very Bella-like, I know). Earlier this year, I went to a lady dentist to retract a tooth. She was terrible. Personal space-invading with a bad bedside (or is that seat-side?) manner. She practically yanked out my tooth once I opened my mouth. I retaliated by puking on her floor.

So, I had to lie down on the patient bed, roll up my sleeves and start trembling all over. Doc came over with rubber gloves, instructed the nurse to put a band around my right bicep. He then came over with a syringe (I think that's what it was, I was looking the other way) and started slapping my forearm. He asked me to make a fist. Tight fist. Next, he swabbed cold alcohol on my skin, mumbled something about fine veins and pricked the needle in. And I thought, "Hey, that wasn't so bad..."

Then doom dawned on me when the doctor said, "Nope, too fine. Nurse, put a band-aid over the spot." He began looking for another place to draw blood! And more trembling ensued. He started slapping my other forearm to not avail. Then, he started slapping my hands. First, my right. He looked at my grief-stricken face and asked, "Are you right-handed?" I was thinking, "Hell yeah!" So, he moved on to my left.

He slapped the back of my palm with full gusto. And when he was ready (I wasn't, duh), in went the needle. What? No alcohol? If it ain't for drinking at a time like this, who needs 'em anyway. And later I found out, my blood was highly concentrated. It oozed out so slow! The doc asked me to relax or it'll come out even slower, I tried to breathe. The needle twisted under my skin and I was in agony. After probably five minutes (it felt that way anyway), another band-aid and I'm good to go. But the nurse instructed me to lie down for a while, maybe I looked ghostly pale. She asked if I was having my period, I said no. She continued, "Alright then, later I want you to give me a urine sample." That was some smooth talking, lady.

So, that was my day. I'm sure yours weren't as eventful. I'm now researching a method to make my veins look more evident, so my next trip won't be a pain in the arse and the back of my palms won't have to suffer. By the way, peeing into a can is not a pleasurable experience.

Weird - My Middle Name

2009-11-09T17:58:00.008+08:00

While normal girls will jump at the first opportunity at love, I recoil from it. While most girls would gladly fall for the school jock, I look the other way and nit-pick all his flaws. While most girls drool over how to set aside quality time to commit to a relationship, I side-step every plausible chance of it. My verdict: I have commitment issues.

Well, it has never been proven yet but I suppose it holds some truth. I fear when the opposite sex shows interest. It's just this weird instinct that I have developed over the years. I myself can make no sense of it. After thinking it through, I settled on the idea that maybe I was just not that into the guy.

Whatever the reason may be, I'm pretty sure I suck at the whole love game. Never seriously dated before, I have no idea what it feels like. But ask me about crushes, and I'll be able to tell you loads of weird stuff about me.

I'm the sort of girl that runs the other way if I see a secret crush (not unlike a certain Taylor Swift). It's either that or I'll cower behing a pillar until he passes by. It's embarassing. It used to be quite a sight, really, since my best bud would be trying to yank me out of my poor camouflage and pull me towards my crush while I was basically sliding unwillingly across the pavement red-faced. I guess that's basically why I'm terrible at the subject.

Case in point, a few years ago, I had this cute little crush on a boy. He returned the favor. One day, he gave my a cute little plush toy. It was a teddy bear. Or was it a monkey? I was overjoyed. Then, realisation set in. I began to panic. I hid it in the deepest corner of my closet. Paranoia washed over me. Few days later, it sat in the garbage bin. I even waved goodbye to the garbage truck with glee when it came to pick it up. I know, I was mean.

I prefer the term quirky but lets face it, I'm just too weird. Maybe I'll end up a sixty-year-old spinster who lives with her forty cats in a shabby flat in the middle of a suburb.

I've Lost The Source To Live

2009-11-01T16:40:00.014+08:00

Relax, if calculations are correct and reliable, oxygen is still sufficient to last for, well, forever.

What the title is referring to at this point, is that my pendrive, once full of life, is now empty. All 500+ of my downloaded songs, down the drain. Some of my articles, deleted. Five of my e-Books, in a cloud of smoke. One important piece of information, gone. My life, in a mess. Guess I don't have to wait till 2012.

See, I've lent a good pal of mine my beloved pendrive to copy photos from our graduation. That sounded innocent enough. He told me that well, the photos weren't located in my gadget. Still no biggie. This morning, he gave me a mention that some of my files are probably erased since there was a lot of viruses and his anti-virus system got rid of them. Fair enough.

I should've braced myself for the worst, but I didn't. Stupid move. I got home, booted my PC, inserted my drive and what do you know? ALL my files were gone! (All my IMPORTANT ones at least!)

I wasn't stunned. No, no. I was appalled. At that point, I wanted to stand on my chair, tug at my hair and scream out a strew of profanities and expletives. At whom? I have no idea. Glad that my head was screwed securely onto my neck, it did not fall splat on the floor. My face started to heat, and the next thing you know, I'm in the shower cooling myself off.

Geez... First, I found out in school that apparently I had a ten-year long crush (which I had no idea of) on a guy. Now, I've lost all the songs that I have been downloading for the past month?! With the luck I have now, I better get flying colours for my exam...

Now, is there anyone that has a clue on how to retrieve erased files? (Fingers crossed, praying hard)

***NOTE***

As of this moment, all my files have been restored. By itself. I want to take the opportunity to thank my pendrive for miraculously retrieving all my files and data. Now, I'll go make a backup copy of everything.

Blog Overhaul

2009-10-29T10:17:00.008+08:00

I've been trying to make time to give my blog an overhaul but honestly, I really should be worrying about something else. Therefore, this is sort of like a temporary farewell. But I do have great plans for re-decorating.

I'm trying to probably tweak the system a little here and there and give it a sleeker, more minimalist touch. At first, I thought that I would even change the template colour, but after giving some thought, I find it still soothing and easy on the eyes so that idea was dispelled.

However, it is sad to say that next time, the music player will be gone. I love that gadget dearly for giving me the opportunity to share the newest/most favourite songs that I have on playlists, but it really hogs the loading speed! Oh well, with the good comes the bad, right?

So, don't be surprised to see a whole different blog on your next visit!

Side note : A visit probably a month or two later...

The Forbidden Fruit

2009-10-28T20:51:00.010+08:00

I wasn't sure how the topic came about but me and my friends had a little talk about sex the other day. Sex. Once a taboo topic, but I believe nowadays talking openly about it rather than shutting it out does help youths in getting to understand the subject in a more whole manner.

A guy friend of mine couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that why certain folks just wouldn't keep their pants on. Well, it is a small town that we live in and probably more alien to the subject than you think. Or maybe we're just still young.

However, this blog post I believe may give a little insight.

Enjoy.

I Have A Crush On Kristen Stewart

2009-10-26T22:36:00.003+08:00

Yup. You read that right. I have a girl-on-girl crush on Kristen Stewart of the Twilight Saga fame.

I think she's really cool. And really hot. Is that weird for a girl to say? Oops. Well, I've heard that the plus for the female species is that girls feel secure enough to admit that their counterparts are sizzling hot.

I admire that she doesn't give a shit about what other people say and lives her life the way she wants to. I admire how she dresses and how she carries herself. I'm probably a groupie. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am.

The weird thing is, I don't generally adore her manner of acting. I liked her in Into The Wild and am trying to watch Adventureland as well as The Runaways. Overall, I find her talented but at times her acting is a little erm, expressionless. I really like her though. I just don't really know why. She exudes a certain appeal that is attractive.

It may be a tad freaky, but apparently what I'm experiencing is quite normal. Jill P. Weber, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist from Washington, D.C., notes that this type of infatuation is often a key step in the process of forming your own identity. "[These relationships] contain examples of the types of people and personality traits that you will be drawn to throughout life," she says. "A girl crush can help you identify goals for yourself. Whether it's a sense of style, a way of thinking, or an effort to be more outgoing, it may inspire you to take more chances -- and can be a confidence booster."

Guess I am normal after all. But the Katy Perry song still rings in my head: "I kissed a girl, I liked it..." Hmmm... Get a load of that, guys! Ha!

Side note : I really can't wait for New Moon to hit theatres! Sadly, I have those darn government examinations to attend.

Bye Bye High School

2009-10-22T22:05:00.005+08:00

Alright, so technically, I still have to go to school. I still have to be in school. I still have to wait 1/2 a month more to finish up my SPM in order to complete my high school life. But, I had my graduation today. Dumb system, eh?

Anyway, I felt more self-conscious than ever in my car contemplating to hide out and skip the whole ceremony. I waited a whole 5 minutes. In the end decided to brave the storm. My heart thumped, my limbs shook, my brain stilled. And all of this drama because of a stupid dress.

Well, I didn't exactly like the dress. I down-right hated it. But all in the name of compromisation, eh?

I slowly wobbled to my friends. They didn't even notice that I've arrived. The nerve! You should have hailed the queen. Then they started consoling me. "Oh, it's not so bad!" Yeah, right! I was absolutely beating myself up.

And then, there's the dreadful ceremony. You're not supposed to talk, cheer, clap, sleep, read, take pictures or breathe apparently. Because it's this very "formal" event. I appreciate the teachers' work, I seriously do. However, wasn't it a little too much? After all, it is a function for us. Fun was the least they could have allowed us.

Which brings us to the ceremony itself. It reeked of doom.

I was bored to bits. Reason : I wasn't doing anything. At all. The guest of honor spoke of no limits. And mainly, I was seperated from my friends. They were at the other end having a photo frenzy and I was completely left out! The seating was horrible. While the hot, humid weather Malaysia's famous for left everyone in a sweating bonanza.

I didn't really enjoy the whole deal. Except for the picture-taking at the very end when everyone ran amock in the hall trying to get shots with everyone else. That I enjoyed. And the after-party when we booked ourselves spots in the cafe :) Good times. Good times.

The bad : I was given the finger while trying to get there.

My First Crash

2009-10-10T23:59:00.006+08:00

Had my first accident today.

With a girlfriend in tow, I decided to check out a secluded picnic spot. On the way out, I, of high stupidity during that course of time, tried to cross two lanes at one go on a busy highway. Without much thought or estimation of speed, I exited.

In order to make a U-turn, I had to cut across. The unmistakable screech of slammed brakes and burning rubber sounded. A clash of metal scraping each other roused from my rear bumper. My heart momentarily stopped functioning.

I thought my car was dented for sure. Finishing the turn, I paused at the side of the road. The other driver of the encounter was at the opposite side of the road, staring at me with eyes wide open. A middle-aged man. Obviously more experienced. I raised a hand to apologize, waiting to see if he's going to seek damage fees.

He looked at me not in a manner of anger, more of astonishment, shock and unassumed recklessness. He gawked at me for one beat, two beats, then he drove away.

I signalled out and moved on. Clearly shaken and stirred, I had to look for a spot to stop. I wasn't sure if I should or could continue driving. I was beginning to tremble from the core. Pulling off the road, I started hyperventilating. My friend was having a nervous breakdown.
I enlightened and saw the damage. It wasn't as bad as it sounded. Just scratches of paint being scraped off. The actual event was far more frightening.

Mixed feelings and realisation set in. Tears started to mount. Trying to soothe my panic, I drew deep breaths and suppressed any signs of shaky nerves. My friend suggested to get a paint job. She was afraid that I would get scolded by my parents. To be honest, that was the last thing on my mind after an incident as such. I was just thankful that I was alive and well.

My flimsy friend was highly freaked and I had to calm her down instead. I figured I needed a cup of coffee to at least make me feel human again. My friend needed alchohol. And supposedly tobacco.

When I reached home and saw my mom, I spilled the beans immediately. I contemplated holding everything to sworn secrecy but was sure that it would do no good for her to know later instead of sooner. I fabricated a little to make the whole incident sound less dangerous than it actually was. I decided it was the best thing to do for my dear parents hearts.

Rather than a busy highway with vehicles zooming past at an estimated speed of 100km/h, it has been reduced to an empty highway with one solitary car that was at a blind spot and a collision due to carelessness of distance-gauging (which was partially true anyway). My folks were mainly concerned about my safety. Of road bullies, fractured bones and cracked skulls. My unharmed physical being settled their anxiousness. A little lecture ensued but no scolding, no banning from driving or getting grounded.

I was surprised. Upon hearing the verdict, my friend was stunned more than I was.

They didn't make my life a living hell, though I knew from that second onwards, my take on driving has became much, much more careful (I hope). However, I doubt that I will ever tell them that the vehicle that was affected by me actually was full of passengers. And from my sight, most of them past 50. I couldn't bear to imagine what could and would have happened if it wasn't for the driver of better reflexes.

Because the traumatising experience, I found that my heart beated erratically while I lay motionless on the bed trying to get some shut eye for school. Eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, I recollected every single false movement of the evening. Every screech, every clang, every stare and every gasp.

Every thought brought on a new wave of adrenaline and the stuttering of heartbeat that raced against the pulsing numbness of my brain that my subconscious triggered. I wanted to cry, but no tears came.

And thus began my first night of insomnia.

Along with sounds of steel-scraping and brakes-screeching.

The Last Song

2009-09-03T18:29:00.002+08:00

My dad has always wanted me to be a successful pianist. He always says that I have it in me. Though I hate to admit it, I think I do.

Blessed with long fingers, people always say that I am born to be a pianist. I was sent to lessons at the tender age of three and picked the skill up quickly.

Whether the passion was in me, I never knew. I never cared. For all I know, this was what people expected from me; they believed that it was what I wanted for myself as well. But do I?

Somewhere down the road, the rebellion started. The frequent practices, the long hours, the little transparent wall blocking me from the outside world. A self-imposed purgatory. What was I supposed to do?

I made up my own mind, and made a decision I figured would undeniably change the rest of my life, the path I will take. I have concluded that I shall let piano go forever.

Needless to say, my proud father was devastated. Never would he dream that his favourite girl would let him down so badly. Rebellious teen, I was then. I could not have cared less.

Life without piano was an absolute contrast. I felt free. Too free. So free that my life seemed empty. However, the decision was made and I vowed never to go back that road again. I was determined.

The day my dad was diagnosed with cancer, my world crumbled. He only had three months to live. Only three. That’s ninety-two days, 2208 hours, 132480 minutes, 7948800 seconds…

After accepting the reality, I came to a conclusion. I will not let my dad down. I shall present him with a memorable performance, one of my own.

After regaining my composure, I took the stage. Blinded by huge spotlights, I took a bow. I seated myself on the piano bench. How I wished he was with me…

Beethoven was the composer he adored and I had picked Beethoven’s Sonata in E minor, Op. 90 for this special night.

On count, I started. My fingers were light on the keys, dancing nimbly on the ivories. The famous descending scales were not an obstacle to me. I went from pianissimo to fortissimo… from allegro to virtuoso. The suspended chords that Beethoven demands were played to perfection. After six-and-a-half minutes, I ended in grand crescendo and everyone was on their feet in wild applause.

Tears welled up beneath my eyelids. Born deaf, this would be the first time my dad can hear me play. A tad too late, maybe it was, but I finally came to my senses. The roar from the audience was what I loved about performing. Dad, once again you were right.

"I did it, Mama…" Tears streaming down our cheeks, we stood looking at each other.

* Original article 27.09.08.

Love.

2009-08-19T18:20:00.002+08:00

To quote the great Oliver Wendell Holmes, "Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." In that case, love, would open up the eternal porthole of euphoria to mankind. Be it loving a person, or being loved. The long pursuit of happiness in one's life would then be fulfilled knowing that he or she is being wanted in return. And I believe, everyone deserves a chance at happiness.

The day you entered my facade of a life, the joy you brought eclipsed the dullness and drowned out the neverending sorrow. The emptiness was gone. Vanished.

You taught me how to let my guard down, to let loose and have some fun once in a while. You taught me to share, not to store everything up inside. With you, there was a time to rant, to whine, to pour out all the pent up feelings.

I shared with you my deepest, darkest thoughts and you returned the favour. You, in no way, perceived me the common people had. Day by day, minute by minute, our companionship flourished. In you, I found a kindred spirit, a lost soul, one that mirrored mine.

That faithful day, you brought me to the park. I saw an unfamiliar expression gleaming in your eyes. Your disposition wasn't as upbeat as you usually were. Something was bothering you, I could tell. You fidgeted around, stalling. Then, you turned to me.

"Here's the truth, I love you. Do you...?" You told me in earnest, with a straight face, eyes holding mine in a steel gaze. The question hung in the air.

My heart started stuttering erratically, my forehead slicked with beads of sweat. This was the question I have been avoiding all along. This moment, I have been prepared for.
I relieved my eyes prisoner from the intensity of your stare. I gasped in a mouthful of air. "No." I blurted out finally.

I saw your face dropped. All hope disappeared from your charming face and I felt the guilt seeping through my veins. The pain you tried not to show, you attempted to cover up with a pretense of bravery.

You gave a weak smile and the thin brick wall surrounding me crumbled in a millisecond. It took me a great deal of determination not to reach out to console you. The yearning to lock you in a tight embrace, to wrap my arms around you to soften the blow almost overpowered me. However, I knew that it would be the beginning of an unsurmountable wrong.

I locked my hands by my sides and clenched them into tight little fists. Somewhere deep down, the pain ripped a gaping hole in my heart. I knew I couldn't bear to see you suffer anymore. I looked away.

"I'm sorry." My apology came out a breathless whisper. Fighting back tears, I turned my back and walked away. I felt your eyes at my back and my tears now streamed freely. A sobbing wreck, I ran. Midrun, I threw an arm over my chest, trying to soothe the throbbing pain caused by the burgeoning hole that was my heart.

I could have told you, if I wasn't on the verge of breaking down, that you deserved happiness. You deserved to love, and be loved. You were worthy of the most beautiful thing on earth, and all the joy it may bring. But not with me. Not me.

I simply couldn't accept the flattery of your affections. You deserved something in return rather than a single-routed sacrifice. And that was the sole component that I couldn't abide. I needed to free myself, my heart, before allowing someone else occupy its space.

There was a saying, "If you can't tell the difference between a truth and a lie, you can't trust. When you can't trust, you don't love."

Being a compulsive liar, I blurred the lines between true and false. Living in a world filled with lies, I learned not to trust. When I wouldn't trust, I couldn't love.

With that said, it may just be the biggest lie I have ever made. Because in truth, I trusted you.

Fresh Batch Of Female Teenage Hormones

2009-07-24T09:59:00.002+08:00

I have been highly opinionated of late. I've always seen myself a person who doesn't really have an opinion; I can go either way, follow the crowd. And yet, this past week or so have seen me having weird outbursts of uncontrolled emotions and strong thoughts being voiced out loud.

I suppose it really doesn't help that so much has happened that has triggered several nerves in my brain -- the self-scripted/acted/directed case of bimbo kidnapping, the question of why some guys just can't stay monogamous, a shallow insight to how males sometimes function, feelings for my own country, some weird soul-searching that has instead made me self-deprecating, three cases of hysterical laughter + giggles and one count of insult on my intellegence.

A combination of all of the above has instead made me voice out more objection than I could remember having been made in a week. Can this sudden burst of confidence in arguing thoughts lead the growth of me mentally? I sure hope so, I kinda like it. However, some friends thought I was quite irritable, maybe I come across that way but I don't think I'll apologize over it. C'mon, our country supports free speech, doesn't it? Or is that the US of A? I guess I got my facts all messed up.

Oh well, I suppose it's all for the best. Just a warning though, in case I continue on with this behavior : those who can't handle a headstrong female teenager with a fresh batch of unstable hormones please steer clear of a 2m radius. Thank you.

The Tempting Tales of Teenage Tattles

2009-07-23T23:58:00.002+08:00

'Fess up, everybody love themselves some gossip. And I'm guilty as charged. Especially when there's something unbelievably juicy around town. It sounds highly juvenile but you just dislike being left out of the hot stuff going on in other people's closets. The skeletons, the costumes, the masks and facades.

Apparently one's secrets is the most alluring to others. I suppose that's why the entertainment business is such a buzz. It's all down to the fact that the public no longer bother about the truth underneath the revelations, no matter the level of absurdity. What readers need is something so big, that it shakes up all possibility and probability, something that defies the norm. They want something to shake up their own boring, repetitive world. Though highly intrusive to someone else's life, it no longer serves as an interruption of peace, it is now seen as a twisted mean of sharing. However, after a random episode of "Streets of Hollywood" on the E! News Channel, I have come to terms on the compassion I feel for the celebrities. To have the paparazzi in your face 24/7 is surely a pain.

Now, back to the commoners point of gossiping. Living in a small town, it is known that every detail about yourself would probably be dug up and discussed by some oh-so-free middle-aged women who have had too much time on their hands. In a way, I perceive myself as a private person who like to keep certain things under wraps, away from prying eyes. To me, certain topics are off-limits. And I do believe that there's a difference between deliberately digging up dirt and stumbling across a boulder. With that said, I recently stumbled across an enormous one.

I have thought of ratting the fact out on this particular blog; this huge revelation, this inhumane gesture made by a boy. And chose the better of it. I realized that it is somehow a rude show of character and highly obnoxious on my part. Although in my mind, simply a ratting of the truth in cyberspace cannot and will not justify the wretched fault the offender has managed to carry out. I wholeheartedly despise his actions, detest his partner in crime and pity the one in the dark. Does he not have a conscience?

It has been a full week since I've learned the truth, yet the shock still wrecks my heart like a demolition ball. The reason -- his juggling act is undoubtedly unacceptable by my standards. But, it is not my life to live and surely not my decision to make. Hence the reason for me not plastering his crime all over the blog -- the realization that my role to play is merely the bystander, the one who pities and curses; but not the one who destroys what little happiness he has mustered in the farce he monopolied.

And with that, I have granted him the wish that he not at all deserves -- the preservation of his pride.

Are You Still Spying?

2009-07-23T23:30:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I posted my last entry, I understand. I wasn't being a pig. Nor was I procrastinating to tell the truth. And I definitely wasn't dead. Not that people will notice anyway. My usual readers got so fed up with no updates they abadon visits entirely.

As a student, you do need to squeeze out some time to type something out, or at least find an interest subject to pen to at least garner some sort of reaction. Not that I'm writing for others, but I believe that it's either you write about good stuff or no stuff at all. Sometimes, you just get writer's block (though I'm not much of a writer), daily life seems like a bore and nothing in particular triggers your radar to write; in short -- no sudden burst of creativity to write.

So, you ask, what's with all the excuses? Well, to be honest, I took a -- ahem-- brief break from blogging because someone was reading my blog.

Somewhere out there, someone will be shouting : "Ain't that what bloggers want?" Well, yeah, but the person reading my posts is my brother... I have no problem at all with family members reading my random ramblings and weird rants, however, I do feel somewhat self-conscious and uneasy. It's a feeling that I couldn't explain. I think it's probably because : of eveyone in the world, it's their criticism that will matter the most, the acceptance of theirs is the only one that I'll have to worry about. So, technically, the feedback that come from my folks will bother me the most.

It also doesn't help that my brother read almost everything I have in my blog archive... just the thought of it sends shivers down my spine. I suppose he did that just for the knack of it but his occasional violations of privacy really doesn't help. Sigh. Family is family.

The Time I Lied

2009-07-02T18:25:00.002+08:00

I was young and submerging in the deep waters of aloneness of my wretched life. Did they never consider that having an only child is such a miserable decision to bear? Of all my years of existence, I was the loner. I have no siblings. Both my parents were workaholics. They were trying to provide me with the best life that I can get.

I was given the best in the world. There really wasn't something that wasn't negotiable or agreeable, for that matter. They wanted me to be happy. And they thought that I was. I was lonely and bored to the core. No one was there to share my moments, be it the joy or the remorse that cut through me time and time again.

My parents were never truly there. They were far too occupied with more vital matters -- their jobs. And I wanted that to change. Being all but seven years old, I sponged up all the tricks that soap operas on television presented me. I thought that it will work. It must. It always does on TV. The next day, I got to work.

I fibbed to my dad that my mum has been having frequent meetings at home lately. He didn't even look up from the sports section.

"Mummy has to work, honey."
"But I don't understand why she always locks me out... She didn't bother when the man went in with her..." I pouted.

That did the trick. My dad's head shot up. He stared at me blankly. Finally, a response! I was gleeful that my scam had worked. They'll probably now try to focus more on family and less on work. My dad drilled me on how frequent "the man" visited, how he looked like, how long he stayed... exactly like on television. The lies flowed effortlessly through my lips. At last, I will be rewarded with love and affection. I smelled an easy victory.

That night, all hell broke loose. My mom and dad started quarrelling. Actually, my dad was shouting and my mom was pleading. Salt water streamed down her cheeks. She wanted him to listen. He wouldn't oblige. She begged to know who told him the statement. He wouldn't answer. He was protecting me. The night dragged on. I was upstairs in my room, listening to every seething remark and pitiful plea. The morning will be better, I assured myself. The sun will shine again. My world will shift into focus. Everything will be fine.

The next day, my dad moved out with me. My parents divorced. My dad took full custody of me. Everything became a downward spiral. My dad worked both day and night. He worked endlessly. He was drowning out the pain, I later realised. The pain I made up. My mom wasn't any better. She looked frail on her tiny frame. The gaping hole in her heart was tearing her apart. A hole I created.

The years passed. My mom remarried. She seemed content. My dad never found another spouse. At least he seemed to have recovered. It's either that or he had grown numb. I doubt that I really want to know the truth.

After ten years, I'm still too ashamed, too afraid, too guilty to speak the truth. They have finally moved on, and I do not wish to rip open the wounds that had slowly healed. I owe them at least that.

There is no means on earth that I could possibly atone for the sins I have planted. Be it due to naivete, ignorance or selfishness. The pain and regret will burn in me forever. And I deserve every bit of it.

This lie, I will take with me to the grave.

Bite Me. Please.

2009-06-06T20:23:00.010+08:00

Only if you’re a vampire, that is. Now, why would a normal human being request bloodsuckers to drain them of their blood by sinking their sharp fangs into themselves?

Well, I’ve came to a conclusion that maybe I’m not normal. Besides, I’ve come to terms that being turned into a cold one does have certain perks.

Allow me:

1. I get to stay seventeen forever.

2. I will finally have a chance to be fair-skinned. Oh, alright, pale. But it does somehow count now, doesn’t it?

3. I’m very curious to know how good I smell to others.

4. It’s very flattering that I’m irresistably wanted by others before I turn into a cold one. Even if it’s to quench their thirst.

5. Apparently vampires are breathtakingly beautiful. Which girl doesn’t want that?

6. I’ll never frown upon bad traffic again. Who would if they can run that fast?

7. I don’t need to breathe. Unless I want to.

8. I don’t need to sleep either. Simply because I couldn’t.

9. Oh, did I mention I get to be invincible? Unless some others of my kind kill me off/I meet with a werewolf on their land.

10. I have the ability to glow under the sun. Heard the saying- diamonds are a girl’s best friend? I get to save my moolah by just being me! After all, why waste cash when you yourself can produce the same effect, if not better?

But the most prominent reason of all, one that doesn’t deserve to be numbered because it is in a class of its own:

I am absurdly infatuated with a fictional character. Sigh.

Tag! You're It!

2009-05-31T22:51:00.003+08:00

Thanks KP, for the tag.
So basically, I have to use Google Image to search the answers to the questions below.
Then I must choose a picture in the first page of results, and post it as my answer.
So, here goes :

1. My birthday.2. The country I'd like to travel to.

3. My favourite place.

4. My favourite food.

5. My nickname.

6. My favourite thing.

7. My favourite colour.

8. My love.

9. A hobby.

10. Bad habit.

11. Wish list.

12. Favourite animal.

13. Dream guy.

And now, I shall tag :

Jee Ying
LB
LM
Niwa
Phoebe
Pat
Wen Xi
Yun Yee

Have fun, guys!

The Dark Horse

2009-05-22T23:39:00.003+08:00

It proves as a surprise and a nod to the voting powers of teenage girls -- Kris Allen emerged as the 8th AI winner.

Though I do not strongly support any side this year, I actually believe that Adam Lambert would be the more deserving holder of the title. Now, before I get thrashed by other Allen fans out there, Kris himself actually proposed the idea after the shocking revelation that he had won.

It was a diverse match in the finale and I liked both competitors.

On one side, we have the screeching Lambert, with his glam-rock style, powerful vocals, demanding stage presence and guyliner. Already, he sounds like a rock star. But the irony is, for me, he shines most when he strips a song down, using only his falsetto, i.e. & Tracks Of My TearsMad World, he moves me deeply and brings chills down my spine. Or, he has to go all out glam-rock like during Rock Week where he excelled in Whole Lotta Love & during his performance with KISS. Those were the magnificent shows where his vocals seem to fit just right and it just shone through.

On the other corner, stood the guy-next-door Allen, with his guitar-trotting habit, laid-back vocals, totaly cutie-pie look and earnest demeanor. He can melt the hearts of millions of girls and some guys too, apparently. Well, I'll admit his looks aren't so bad on the eyes and his singing ain't bad on the ears either. His refreshing approach to songs like Aint No Sunshine & Heartless was touching and current.

We have two great contenders with a huge amount of talent and a whole lotta votes to back it up. Both have gathered praise and admittedly, mostly Adam steals the show. However, the choice was up to American and when Danny Gokey was booted last week, his supporters obviously swung in big favor towards Kris and that did the damage for Adam. As a more conservative group, they probably couldn't handle the more showy, theatrical antics of Adam, hence, supporting Kris. I don't blame them, sometimes, Glambert freaks the hell outta me with his out-of this-world pitch. But as I mentioned earlier, sometimes, he does serve up some great stuff.

And with that, I'm sure although the title was not his to hold, he has garnered enough momentum to put his singing career into place. As I read from an article, all he needed was the platform to launch him forward, to put himself out there. Afterall, he does have the talent. To all mourning Lambert-fans,fret not, as I have a feeling that we will be seeing more of him in the future.

As of now, let us non-side-takers live in the glory of Kris Allen's victory. The dark horse that gained momentum towards the end and walked away with the biggest upset of reality-tv history.

(BTW, the AI finale results show was amazing to watch. Packed with celebs and music superstars, it really shouldn't be missed. Just goes to show that AI still has what it takes to pull crowds in.)

Just Blame It On Us

2009-05-19T16:13:00.007+08:00

Guess what happened in class today?

Two teachers came and mumble to us about us skipping school on the 17th(teachers' day). In total, 3 madams nagged. Reason? Most of us played truant.Only 2/3 of the students were present that day. And what gave us the benefit of nag?

Oh, just the sensible reason that we're the "best" in the school. You know the kelas cemerlang and shit. Due to that stamp of ownership we, naturally, have to be the best in EVERYTHING. Because, y'know, we gave ourselves that tag.

We ourselves told the teachers that we would like to be the supposedly "elite" class of the school. We came up with the bright idea that we'd love all the attention that comes with it, as well as the responsibility of helping ourselves and us in reforming the school's discipline, academics AND moral behaviour. Didn't we? It's not as if the teachers forced us into it. Or is it? Hmm...

What does it all take? Oh, just looking after ourselves and the others and guide them back the right track, at the same time juggle our schoolwork, tuitions, extra classes (that we have to attend to show the rest of the world that they need to follow us?), be a saint ( or at least act like it ), redecorate the classroom, sweep the floors, water the plants and set up a class website... It's not too much to ask from a 17-year-old now, is it?

Besides, we've already given them the best students tag, why should they complain? Worse still, what gives them the RIGHT to? We now OWN them, don't you know? C'mon people, they don't need freedom, they're just TEENAGERS, they don't know how to think or what to do, let us do it for them. To heck if it's against their will, why would they care?

You see, grouping students according to their learning ability is fine and sensible, or dare I say, fair. However, trying to distinct them from other people is another thing entirely. One minute you want us to save the world, the next thing you know, you're blaming us for the acapolypse or the extinction of humankind! We're only human, we function the same way you do! Give us a break! Puh-lease!

If you want to drown with your own mistake of ever popping an idea of forming 'perfect' people, be my guest! But when you attempt to drown innocent people with YOUR shit, it's just bloody damning. Jeez lady! I wouldn't mind if you were to sink in your stupor but to drag us down with you? That just crossed the line.

I'll admit that it's our fault as students to not "celebrate" teachers' day. But do bear in mind that it's the thought that counts and well, though hard to believe and difficult to say, it's a day celebrated meaningfully when deserved and obliged. Not celebrating the day doesn't specifically say that we do not care (other than those done purposely, of course). Therefore, forcing anything onto us, wanting us to love you, doesn't bear any meaning if the person is not willing.

With that, I salute to all teachers that are close to my heart, happy belated teachers' day. Meant as a rant due to the afore-mentioned position some teachers put us in, no pain is purposely inflicted to those not involved and is not meant to offend anyone [unless, of course, you feel that you're involved ;) ].

NEXT!

2009-05-15T23:51:00.005+08:00

Ever had the experience of watching a french movie?
Well, I just had one.
It was hilarious.
I speak nothing of the language, mind you.
And it didn't bother me one bit!
It was roll-on-the-floor funny I tell you!
The movie's called *NEXT! and it's about Jo ( short for Josephine ) who is an overworked casting director burdened by her frantic career and lack of romance, until she meets the wannabe-actor Bernard.
I tried looking for more information on the net but couldn't gather any.
Suppose it wasn't exactly a mainstream flick.
However, it did do the job of brightening my night and make me look insane, laughing alone in the living room, in front of a darn metal box. :)
As a student who's in the mist of an exam, I know I should be studying, instead of watching foreign movies/staring into the laptop as we speak...
But one thing led to another and...
I'll be beating myself up tomorrow...
Have a good night.

*nice flick. highly recommended. results may vary on individuals.

Danny Out!

2009-05-14T23:16:00.006+08:00

Yeah, it's an American Idol update.
The show's sorta my guilty pleasure.

Anyway, the big news is, as stated :
Danny Gokey has been booted off.

Therefore, sad to say, he won't be in the final two.
Honestly, I think that he out-sang Kris in so many ways
( though Kris is cute as a button & his rendition of 'Heartless' was amazing ),
Gokey really had the vocals and as Mr Cowell himself put it :
"A vocal master-class".
Hence, it was a sad moment and makes for a "ding-dong" ( Simon Cowell again ) next week.

To be honest, this season was kinda on the low.
The talent's still there but something's missing...
I just can't gather what.

Meanwhile,
let's anticipate whether the screeching Glambert or humble Allen will take the crown.
Shall we?

Let the countdown, BEGIN.

Playing For Change

2009-04-28T19:34:00.005+08:00

Playing For Change is a movement to connect the world through music.

The act of playing music with people of different cultures, religions, economics and politics is a powerful statement. It shows that we can find ways of working together and sharing our experiences with one another in a positive way. Music has the power to break down the walls between cultures, to raise the level of human understanding.
~ Mark Johnson, founder, Playing for Change

A remarkable movement to help build schools, connect students, and inspire communities in need through music, please do check it out : http://www.youtube.com/PlayingForChange

My New Ride!

2009-04-20T21:20:00.009+08:00

My dad just got back from KL today.
And guess what?
He brought back a car for me!!!
I was so excited I took pictures of it!
So, I now present to you, my spankin' new ride~

*
***
*****
*******
*********
************
***************
******************
*********************
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Gotcha!
Bwahahahaha~ XD

Boypren

2009-04-17T18:11:00.001+08:00

I absolutely love this video.
Made possible by happyslip and kevjumba.
It is hilarious yet romantic at the same time.

Be welcomed to check them out:
http://www.youtube.com/user/HappySlip
http://www.youtube.com/kevjumba

This video also introduced me to Josh Verdes and made me fell in love with this song.
Music : Save Me - Josh Verdes
http://www.myspace.com/joshverdes

p/s : can someone help me with the links? it doesn't seem to work...

The Rules Of The Shoes

2009-04-03T17:39:00.005+08:00

When you are choosing a pair of shoes,
And plan on paying for it,
Be sure that it's the thing that you want.

The fit,
The feel,
The colour,
The fine touches,
Walk around the shop a little bit,
Just to be sure you got everything right.
Then, you pay for it.

And since you paid for it,
You must have been sure that it's the pair for you.

I mean,
If you think so,
Who's there to question?

So,
When that IS the case,
Please stop complaining that your bloody feet hurt!

The Riddler Reveals

2009-03-31T14:36:00.002+08:00

From what I can understand,
no one actually attempted to guess the answer of the riddle.
Which is just plain sad.
Or lazy.
Whatever the cause,
I'll just think of it as the latter.
So now, the mystery (or lack of) is revealed.

1st of all,
his mother died of childbirth.

2nd,
he was born in a church in front of a priest.
Hence, before the Father.

3rd,
he married the Father's sister.
Therefore, marrying his sister.

Got it? :)

The License To Thrill

2009-03-31T12:32:00.000+08:00

Yeah, you got that right.
I'm now totally legit on the road!
Whoo-hoo!

Alright, my license doesn't really arrive till Sunday,
but STILL, I can now drive.

Like I said the other day,
if you can survive the QTI,
you can definitely pass the real thing.

BTW, watch out for the ghostly wail of the driving inspector when he attempts to sing.
It may throw you off guard.

Now, let me bask in my glory.
Bwahahahaha.

Rid The Riddle!

2009-03-17T17:58:00.004+08:00

Okay guys, I have one tricky riddle for you :

A guy killed his mother,
was born before the father
and married his sister.

How could this be,
at the same time,
legally and lawfully correct?

TIP : There is a play with words (*wink)

Hehe...
Have fun guys and knock yourselves out.
The answer will be revealed soon.

Happy 17th Birthday, LB!

2009-03-15T11:07:00.005+08:00

Just here to wish my dearest friend (and in-school dad),
a very very happy birthday!!!

Sorry I couldn't make it last night,
but I promise that I'll try my best to make it next time.

Thanks for being a great friend &
I wish you all the best throughout the year.

Have a good one, ya!

Morning Blues & Driving Rules!

2009-03-07T23:33:00.008+08:00

I have decided that my driving instructor is strictly a morning person.

He came to pick me up at 8.30 this morning although he initially scheduled 8.
My brother had broken this down to 2 factors : less cars on road & less sun shining at your eyes.
Easy as that.

Honestly, I admire his sunny disposition on a weekend morning (or any morning for that matter).
If it were me...

I get really cranky in the morning especially without some good shut-eye.
To imagine, waking up at ungodly hours and look like an angel? Yeah, right.
I don't like speaking and I stay relatively quiet.
My face don't look too good either.
My face is, well, sour.
It's like someone crawled under my skin.
And I would look like I wanna beat somebody up...
Americans will call it waking at the wrong side of the bed.
So I would advise people not to come bug me til I'm fully awake.
( Note to future life-partner XD )
(And I think some of my friends have started to realize that too.)

Today's driving lesson :
I got to drive on roads, not lorongs, roads.
And that got me a little... nervous and poorly coordinated...
The engine died once again today (what else is new?).
I ran off the road once... =.=""
And lost count of which is right and which is left... =.=""
And I probably scared uncle a li'l bit...
Poor dude, I hope his life didn't shorten 'cause of me...

Tomorrow's the next lesson and hopefully this time the water tank won't leak and spoil it...

3rd time's the charm, I hope I'll improve!

Ahmed The Dead Terrorist

2009-03-04T20:42:00.007+08:00

I first saw this video on Wen Xi's blog and it was hilarious!
So I thought that I will share it with you guys.
You guys can also check out Wen Xi's blog at http://violinistxixi.blogspot.com .
And I wanna have a shout-out to Wen Xi :
Thanks for teaching me how to upload videos from youtube!
Thank you loads!

Clutch, Gear, Brakes, Accelerator, Steering?

2009-03-04T11:24:00.004+08:00

Today's a holiday and I planned to sleep in as late as possible.
So when my mom came to ask if I'd join them for breakfast,I said no.
I was about to plonk back down on the bed when my cell rang.
It couldn't be?
After all, it IS a holiday.
The caller ID read "driver's ed".
This must be my lucky day.

"睡醒了吗?"
"哦..."
"吃了吗?"
"还没..."
"啊?我现在来教你哦."
"哦.可以可以."
"那你就准备一下,我现在来."
"哦..."

After that was me rushing to brush my teeth, wash my face, and throw on a collared shirt, long pants and sneakers (take note, it's a must).
And then my dad started to tease me...
"Do you know where the brake is?"
"Do you know where the steering is?"
"Do you know where the clutch is?"
"Do you know where the STEERING is?"

And then i waited for my driving instructor to come...
It all went alright, and I was allowed to drive myself home :)
Not sure if that happens for everyone,
But it sure was fun :)

And I'm kinda sorry that my first driving date with him includes pink pillow marks on my face and puffy eyes.
At least I didn't scratch his car... :)
So for the time being, I'm a menace on the road...
(I'm not really that bad actually,as a first timer, the engine only died once.)

Well, the next cruise is tomorrow...
Can't wait!

An Apology To Everyone

2009-02-28T00:15:00.007+08:00

I took someone's words out of context the other day and I'm sorry if it caused friction between anybody.
I'm sorry what I said made you feel that way about him.
When in truth, it wasn't what he meant at all.
I'm sorry I made all of you hate him so much more just because of what I said and it wasn't really what he meant in the first place.
It really wasn't my place to make comments or say anything that was and will be out of my league in the past, present or future.
I'm sorry to cause so much sorrow and so much grief to any side.
And I'm sorry that I have been such an insolent bitch to go around saying things that people don't mean.
I'm really sorry.
It wasn't anyone's fault because the fault was all mine to begin with.
I sincerely apologize to all affected parties.

2009-02-24T17:06:00.005+08:00

without the sun, there shall be no mornings;
without the moon, there shall be no nights;
without the snow, there shall be no winter;
without you, we shall never be together.

everything just falls apart without one vital element.

and for us, it is forever gone.

2009-02-22T14:42:00.001+08:00

don't ask for the truth
if you CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

The Sky Is Falling

2009-02-13T22:37:00.003+08:00

I'm surprised to see so many visits a day.
Ten at least.

Maybe they were expecting some huge news.
Maybe my words can calm them (?).
Maybe they feel like seeking solace from an outsider.
Or maybe they thought i will get some inside scoop from an insider.

But I'm just as lost as everyone else.
Maybe even worse.

I do not know the beginning.
Nor do i know the end.
Or is it the beginning of the end?

I know you're all down.
But hopefully not out.
Yet from your voices.
All of you sound tired.
All of you except one.

What happened?
I really want to know.
I sincerely want to care.
Yet, it felt like the end is near.
And the gap is far.
It came sooner than expected.
And it's bringing us ajar.

Most of us anyway.
Those involved in the game of politics and deceit.

Hold on, my friends.
And listen to others.
Their cry for help.
Their cry for air.

Take risks.
But not risk everything.
For we all know,
The world at the top,
May be lonely as hell.

Yet, why not prioritize?
And take a step back to realize,
What you may succeed in,
When you have,
What may be,
The greatest gift?

Just One Night

2009-02-12T23:16:00.002+08:00

Starting as of today, I'm taking one night per week to let everything hang out.
Just to let the tears fall freely.
With no limit.
With no control.

Who wants to be strong all of the time?
And yet, how could I not?
But at the same time, the satisfaction of free-flowing tears is just too big a temptation to turn down.

It's the remedy to my fears.
It's my outlet of stress.
It's my own little bubble where I seclude everyone and everything.
It's finally the time where I don't have to worry about anything.
My reputation retained.

And the next day, I shall return to how i was before.
The evolution of the robot begins once more.
Soldiering through the expectations and obstructions.

So, for me, just one night...
A night to myself...
And no one else...
Just myself...

Just. One. Night.

I Believe

2009-02-06T21:39:00.005+08:00

"...There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who know what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe

Somehow you will

You will when you believe..."

-Mariah Carey

We were all up on the podium. Perched on benches. Singing this particular song with flooding emotion. Our graduation day. Facing all the teachers and parents invited. Tears of sadness streamed down my cheeks. Throat choking with tears. Blocking any possibility of resume singing.

That was my dream last night. I woke up with my pillow wet with tears. The sobbing just wouldn't stop. Maybe i heard the song when i was asleep (I sleep with my radio on), maybe it was just some weird female emotional mood-swing. But what will really happen after we graduate, my friends?

Will you all believe?
In the continuation of our friendship?

Will you all still believe?

URGENT!!!

2009-02-03T14:42:00.004+08:00

I am sad to announce to my dear friends,
instead of starting on the 23rd of November as we first heard,
the bloody SPM is starting on the 19th!

Please take notice and cry afterwards...

Love, Belle.

With Love, Forever and Always.

2009-01-30T22:37:00.003+08:00

With a hug and you are gone,
Alone again to brave the storm;

With heavy hearts we wave goodbye,
Till the next time i see your smile;

The house stands quietly still,
Without your jokes that make me ill;

Even though you extended your stay,
We still strongly await the month of May.

Here Comes The Pics!

2009-01-09T21:45:00.023+08:00

tsk,tsk, look at those girls...
*

the over-loving...
*

wonder what we were looking at...
*

sorry pat; i couldn't resist. :)
*

where is that booger i found?
*

guess who's on the line?
*

still on the line...
*

still...
*

what's so funny?
*

naked pics on phone?
*

hi,i'm chef yang!
*

great shot...
*

hide me!
*

omigod!what's that on the ground?
*

our "feast"

peek-a-boo!
*

wonder which boring person is talking...
*

look at the upper right of the picture...
*

they're mine,all mine...
*

run for ya lives! godzilla's here!
*

i now pronounce you lesbian and wife.
*

i like big butts and i dunno why...
*

becky and i
*

group pic! (minus niwa and wc...)
*

the cuddly bunch
*

the tormented pair
*

me and the boys..
*

me and my girls (minus wc and niwa,again)...
*

cindy and i
*

lulu, cindy and me
*

nice group pic,nicer if taken without the fishball...
*

my family from school... :)
*

just the girls...

********************************************************

the Eek! moments:

*********************************************************

THANKS!

Thanks For A Great 17th Birthday!

2009-01-09T01:56:00.003+08:00

Thank y'all for coming and thanks for the present,
But most of all,thanks for the memories...

I hope all of you had fun,
I know i did.

It was an awesome night,
And it would not have been without you guys.

The pictures will be uploaded as soon as possible for your viewing pleasure.
So keep posted for new updates.

Thank you guys;
Rebecca, Pheebs, Pat, Cindy, Niwa, Lulu, SK, LB, LM, HZC, Jimmy, YHZ, Kuan Hui, TYS and LJZ(Eventhough he wasn't here.)

Once again,THANKS! for a wonderful night.
Luv ya guys!
Cheers!

10 Ways To Flunk Moral

2009-01-05T15:35:00.002+08:00

1. Continuously snort at the teacher's wacky fashion sense.

2. Daydream in class.

3. Take notice of each fly that passes by.

4. Chat with friends.

5. Laugh at the way the teacher gels her hair.

6. Invent comics on homework given.

7. Check out the stockings on teacher's feet.

8. Hate the teacher wholeheartedly.

9. Hate the subject wholeheartedly.

10. Love the time spent sleeping in class.

blogger's note : This is a sure-score guideline.Trust me.I speak from experience.

RETAIL THERAPY

2008-12-30T15:58:00.000+08:00

the plastic bags...

the paper bags...

the trophies...

*

i LOVE shopping!

Back To Jail

2008-12-01T16:11:00.002+08:00

This morning i was ordered by the judge and summoned to court.
Somehow i was found guilty of a felony and sentenced back to jail...
The sentence starts tomorrow and i don't have any idea how much jail time i'm given this time.
So it's back to the life with no WiFi.
I'll try to keep y'all posted but don't get your hopes up.

And since i'll be gone and miss out on some action,

To my bud Jz :

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY!!!
[even if it took you some time to get there :) ]

Fun At It's Peak?

2008-11-25T15:38:00.004+08:00

second post for 20.11.2008

after my exciting breakfast,we made our way up to Genting Highlands.i've never been there for quite some time and frankly,i had no idea of what it looks like now.

always hearing people talk about the changes made,i assumed that it would be this gigantic theme park with over thousands of rides.man,was i wrong.

when i went to HK a few years ago,we went to it's Disneyland.when we reached there,we said:"this place ain't that big after all,i think OUR genting is bigger." well,Walt Disney,i owe you an apology.Genting isn't really that big after all.

lets put it this way,Genting has more thrill rides compared to Disneyland.Disneyland was more of a kid's paradise and it was fun chasing after a childhood dream : to meet Mickey & Minnie and the whole Disney crew.i really felt like a kid once again over there.

as for Genting...it's kinda just mixed up.i didn't really know how i felt.excited,yes i was.i was a little anxious too.our car broke down when we reached the carpark.according to my mum,bad stuff always happen when we visit so she's not that fond of the place.but that's a whole other story.

the number of rides we went on : 5
why? : the Qs were long & it started to drizzle a little and everything got closed down.
where : outdoor theme park,we thought we wouldn't have enough time for everything and we were right.

the first thing we went on was the Pirate Train.now this is an absolutely cheat of our time for being in line.there was NOTHING in there.no elaboration needed.

second,we went for the Pirate Ship.now this is more exciting than the last one.i was seated at the last row and honestly,when it "cruised" to it's highest,my heart fell to my feet.and i was laughing like a maniac...

next up,we went Boating...which is another waste of time...unfortunately for us,we're real pros at wasting time...

then,we went for the Super Toboggan.it was fun,like being on a giant slide which you have to wait for half an hour...and honestly,i kept worrying if i'm over the weight limit...the american breakfast was coming back to haunt me...thank god i was allowed to get on the ride.

we wanted to try the Rolling Thunder Mine Train and the Sungai Rejang Flume Ride.but the wet ride was taking too long,you should have seen the Q! and the other ride was under "maintainence". goddammit,what the hell is wrong with the system?

so we flew to get in line for Grand Prix Fun Kart.what the [censored]? why do we need I/Cs and passports for a stinking ride?

so we jumped ship to do the Flying Dragon.me and my brother "shouted" and laughed throughout the ride.the honeymoon couple in front of us also got infected,unfortunately.

after that satisfaction,we moved on to do Cyclone.we waited for the damn line to move.and finally we're on the flight of stairs that's gonna lead us to it.five more people and we're there.then,Zeus found it funny to start doing his job...

after 30 stinking mins,we didn't make it onto the ride after all...

that kinda concluded our day at the beautiful Genting Highlands.
i can't wait to go there again...

well,well,well

2008-11-25T15:02:00.005+08:00

first post for 20.11.2008

it was a beautiful morning for golf (my dad's views) and it was just apt that we were having breakfast in a golf club.we were in the saujana golf club for breakfast and i ordered an american breakfast (i know,i know,all that talk about shaping up just flew out the window).

the american breakfast was huge.not that i haven't had it before but i honestly don't think i can finish it all by myself.it consists of a slice of toast,a mini crossant,a blueberry cupcake,slices of papaya,choice of two eggs (i chose omelette),three sausages,a glass of orange juice and a cup of tea/coffee to your choice.yummy.

so i was midway digging through my omelette and i saw a person walking by my left.out of curiosity,i looked up.it looked like him but i couldn't be sure.i think i just saw Datuk Seri Dr. Chua Soi Lek.my dad saw it the same time i did.i stared at him.then at my dad.

my dad was staring right back at me.just that moment,we exchanged unspoken questions,is that really him?well,the question was answered by my dad's looks.

let me put it this way,i was so curious and erm,i guess a little excited of seeing someone like him in the flesh,i couldn't stop myself from trying to catch glimpses of him.

he was all decked out in golf attire with a cap on his head.he sat down on the table behind us and my back was to him so i didn't see much.he was later joined by three of his golf buddies,which are relatively unknown as i don't recognise any of them (sorry,fellas).

he looks older that we think and well,shorter.and he hunches.that's all i could tell from what little i could see of him.he did smile at my dad though (maybe he saw my dad staring at him).

well,that wasn't the first time i met with ahem,famous people though.

i met Amber Chia once in a shopping mall in KL.it was a few years back and set in the restaurant Esquire Kitchen.

i was having my meal and someone walked in with a friend.a tall,slim chick dressed in black from head to toe.had a cap on and heels that made her taller than she actually is.i recognised her top,it's from playboy.real pretty lady.the bee stung lips were a giveaway.i met Malaysia's top model.or rather,i saw.

on both encounters,i never asked for a picture.or an autograph.

well,well,well...

finally, CIVILISATION

2008-11-24T23:30:00.001+08:00

i know, i know, i haven't been posting articles lately.
but that's not my fault,you know?
i was in jail and apparently they don't supply WiFi for inmates.
who would have thought?

so now that i'm out,i guess i'm free to surf the good old net again?

86 n' kickin'

2008-11-16T14:14:00.006+08:00

My grandma has been visiting me for the past few weeks and on the 14th we brought her with us down to KL for one of the relative's upcoming nuptials.

She's this adorable healthy old lady and she's 86 years old.i hope i'm in that good a shape if i ever REACH her age.i mean her metabolism is outstanding and she always hopes to get out and walk.if she wasn't involved in an accident half a century ago,she would have been even stronger.

The thing is,she has a phobia about escalators. everytime she's gonna go on one of those,she will dig her nails into your flesh,cling onto you for dear life and clam you as close to her as possible.but to tell you the truth,she's getting better day by day.gutsy lady.

i wish i have that long a life to get terrified of new inventions.

oh by the way,pheebs,i saw a restaurant in PJ the other day.it was the name of the restaurant that caught my attention.
it's called little bowl ---- 小碗子 .

恩师符爱梅

2008-11-13T23:08:00.005+08:00

曾经,我抗拒老师.
曾经,我不想去上华文.
曾经,华文只是另一个课目.
曾经,我忐忑地踏入华文室.
曾经,时间过得好慢.
曾经,我没那么好的老师.

如今,我喜爱老师.
如今,我期待,更珍惜每周的华文课.
如今,华文是个让我自豪的原因.
如今,我勇敢地踏入华文室.
如今,时间过得太快.
如今,老师要离去.

我遗憾,老师要离开.
我遗憾,我在最后几天才知道.
我遗憾,往后可能没得听老师讲课.
我遗憾,老师没得看我们毕业.
我遗憾,我与老师一起渡过的日子如此地少.
我遗憾,老师对我的了解比我对老师的深.
我遗憾,我放不开.
我遗憾,我哭.
我遗憾,弄到老师也哭了.

我遗憾,我如今只有遗憾的机会.

我送上,千万的感激.
感谢老师的教诲.
感谢老师对我们那么地关爱.
感谢老师给我们上的最后一堂课.
感谢老师在这种情况下还放不下我们.

我送上,衷心的祝福.
祝老师的身体健康.
祝老师在事业上创高峰.
祝老师过得快快乐乐.
祝老师幸福.

我怀着,许多的希望.
希望老师勿忘我们.
希望老师与我们往后还会再相见.
希望下辈子再做老师的学生.

我将永远,永远记得老师.

符老师,您让我学会了珍惜.
珍惜华文的存在.
珍惜与他人相处的时光.
珍惜他人为我的付出.
珍惜我所拥有的运气.
珍惜我过往不曾想过需要珍惜的东西.

谢谢您,符爱梅老师.

最后一天

2008-11-13T17:59:00.002+08:00

一直告诉自己
要坚强
结果
我整早
都没哭

放学了
我们留下
陪老师

本来还好好的
有几次
泪水停留在眼里
但始终都没流出来

老师不喜欢做主持人
但我不想说话

要回家了
老师问了个问题
我跟自己说要坚持

但一开口
我就知道已破工...
泪一下子涌上来
鼻头一酸
不得了...

老师...
对不起
搞到您也流了泪...

明天

2008-11-12T23:38:00.003+08:00

明天
可能就是最后一天
我该怎么办?

笑
只有苦的
哭
不会是甜的
老师
我该怎么办?

四年了...

以前
都爱数落老师对我们的要求
功课好多
叮咛好多
吩咐好多
好烦哦

以前
曾听过老师要离去
结果
只是空穴来风
我们的反应:
艾...
怎么没走?

如今
我们哭花了脸

要的
是您的留下...

B.L.U.E.

2008-11-12T22:36:00.006+08:00

it's been kinda blue lately
because things changed abruptly
and i realize my ability to cry
just like last night for instance
i bawled for an hour
the tears made my eyes sting
my nose hurt
my head ache
and my heart pierce
i wish her all the best
and hopefully my tears flowed for nothing
but i will not regret the fact that i cried
because it is now that i understand how much you mean to me

on a lighter note,
i passed my driving theory exam!
this morning,i went there with my girls
man,were we nervous!
my fingers were bloody cold
and i kept thinking i have to use the ladies' room

eventually i was called in
it was then only i start to calm down
i was the first of three to go
it wasn't as difficult as i thought it would be
some were tricky
but then they couldn't make it too easy,
can they?

i finished it in 20-30 mins
i checked it thrice
i hesitate
do i click submit?
or should i click re-check?
i chose my own ground
and i waited...
and waited...
and waited...
pheebs came in
i only had 15 more mins to go

time finally ran out
the submit button is no longer an option
i waited again
for the flashing sign of either [PASS] or [FAIL]
i braced myself for the flashing sign that will pop up in my face
there was none...

there's just this report card-like page
but hey dude
where's my result?
finally i saw it
omigod

i passed
I PASSED
I PASSSSSSSEEEEEEDDDDD!!!

您

2008-11-11T14:59:00.004+08:00

今天,我没哭...
为何?
我,哭不出...
泪干了...
睛疼了...
接受了...
您的离去,我明白了...
深深的祝福,我送上了...

我们围着您,
听您说故事,道理.
您要我们多说话...
不,
我就是喜欢听您讲话...
听您的声音...

我多不舍得离开...
想多陪您一阵...

您不要...
您要我们回家...

回家的路上...
我,看着车窗外,
哭了...

I Have Arrived

2008-11-09T16:42:00.001+08:00

i've wanted to have a blog for quite some time but i never really got to it.
until now.

so to those that keep encouraging me, i have FINALLY arrived.

i never really thought that many have blogs.
in the world,yes.
but in a small town like this,no.

until i've done some exploring only i realize that it's like an underground playsite for bloggers around the world...

so here i am,in front of the stupid laptop,trying to figure out what to do with a blog of my own.

hope i can get everything off the ground.and get them right...

fingers crossed...